busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Saturday, January 31, 2009

    happy super bowl saturday rock fans of life 

    BobD: I’ve been offered a fantasy basketball trade of Corey Maggette, Zyguneris Igaluuskis and Mike Conley (from a team called Yum Yum Donutz!) for Jason Terry and Andres Biedrin. Should I accept the trade? Why or why not?

    z is back but who knows for how long. maggettes points are going to be affected by moped ellis’s return, meanwhile jason terry is having a career year. give away your third best player for magette and z.

    gd: ? eco on the environment not eco on the eyes.

    well first i was gonna go to vegas. then this girl told me about this party happening today then the cougar and clipper girl decided they wanted to have super bowl parties then i realized i had to return my laptop to best buy before it was too late. might already be too late. then i got really sleepy and went to bed early. then i woke up after a bad dream and got scared, so i guess its good i didnt go.

    j05h: Can it make a sound?

    yes but only cats can hear it.

    Ian Sutherland: Could/should a 45 year old white male lawyer from the Canadian prairies that just happens to be in Palm Springs at the right time get tickets to Coachella?

    should, yes. could? seems to me that there are two sorts of demographics who would like it the most: the kids who would really love “camping” out on the polo fields with their high school friends, and the adults who can afford a jacked up palm springs weekend. book a hotel asap, and wait for coachella to announce the vip three day passes. shade, short beer lines, celebs, way better (air conditioned) bathrooms, and a pretty good view of the main stage. save up, then pay up, then go. bring sunscreen.

    Sharp: How is it that The Killers managed to get their names the same size as Paul McCartney? Do people really miss Joy Division that much?

    girls love the killers. be happy the text size of the killers is that big.

    Linda: I am flying in to LA next Friday for the weekend can I stay with you?

    yes but youd be better off staying at the free hotel. the one thats free. and has a hot tub. and has the you, know, clean comfortable bed. help the economy. we will party, have no fear.

    sass: Suggest 3 occupations I could feasibly get into if I move to LA considering the current unemployment rate?

    running the american apparel blog, exotic modeling, being the lead blogger of the playboy blog, being lcs new bff, starring in an mtv reality game show, dressing up as lucy lui in charlies angels 2

    Matt Welch: What’s your opinion on the octuplets stimulus plan? Are you the father of Paul McCartney? Do you think Obama needs a haircut?

    i think all women who have six children under the age of eight and lives with her parents should go ahead and have octuplets. especially when they want one more girl. ive wanted a new tv in my living room for over a year now, so i should probably just go buy eight of em while im out. i was gonna pick up a keg for clipper girls super bowl bash but i think i’ll just pick up eight since im there. see what hope does to people? obama needs to get a power fro.

    YesMan: Any comment about the cuts as reported in the Times?

    occasionally people are forced to show their true mettle, sometimes thats when the magic happens.

    M@: I really miss the stories of the xbi and chopper one and Anna. Btw, did you see my email?

    i miss those tales too. yes i saw your email. id love to have a drink as long as im in town and not in the midst of something insane.

    Unsilent Majority: Do you have a favorite The Arcade Fire song and what is it?

    there are so many. but because i love drama and dramatics in my popular music, id have to say my body is a cage, from the neon bible. it just keeps on growing and getting richer and bigger and stronger even when its pretty much up there it gets grander.

    dont ask me what it all means though.

    Jordan Catalano: Am I going to get laid off soon? And if so, how am I supposed to pay my rent and stuff? Any wisdom/advice is MUCH obliged!

    the percentages say no. even though everywhere you hear about 10,000 being cut there, 5,000 there, the odds are still pretty good that you’ll not be laid off. i have a friend whose company gave them a 20% salary cut, but they dont have to work on fridays. that would be pretty interesting.

    timmay!!!!!: 1) have you seen my 25 things note on facebook? 2) is it ok that i tagged you? 3) how are you coping with the frequent LA Times bloodletting? 4) does the LA Times copy desk allow Pig Latin in the newspaper? 5) when – and how – did Public Enemy’s font size get so small?

    1) of course 2) i would have said no, but someone else tagged me too. 3) prayer and fellowship 4) it’s a pretty surprising desk. yesterday i asked about “fart”, and off the top of his head the main guy said, its been used 12 times. my guess on pig latin is yes 6) 1997

    Kris: How do they get the caramel in the Caramilk bar? And does anyone actually care?

    reverse osmilkis

    David: What the hell is that thing?

    that one things hope, the others change.

    dave: in these times of economic depression and woe, what’s your drink of choice? rum? absinthe? old grand dad? On that note, what do you think of people who don’t drink alcohol at all? Scared of letting loose, or simply their choice?

    2008 was all about whatever was unusual on tap. but now that i take the subway more, im finding myself enjoying rum based tropical drinks

    Jay: Should Jays fans be happy that Dempster signed with the Cubs, instead of his second choice north of the border?

    the number one problem that the blue jays have is that they are in the american league east. now that the expos have said adios theres no reason for the jays to feel forced in staying in the junior circuit. move away from the dark side and your future will be beautiful.

    TJ: I have a blogger account yet can not blog from my I phone. Why is this? Sometimes I have important thoughts on stuff when I am not near my macbook yet I can not blog them. This upsets me.

    you can blog from your iphone. just open safari. type in blogger.com. insert your user name and password. only thing you cant do easily is add photos. just add those later. your iphone can most definately help your genius get realized.

    bloopy: do you ever regret lagging on answering the questions ‘cuz then they keep piling up?. . .

    regrets, i have a few. but none include giving the good readers of the busblog some extra time to ask pressing questions of the day.

    bottom photo by anti

  2. she rolled over and said whats this? 

    i said thats Stiff

    she started reading it, then she started laughing and reading it out loud.

    then she stopped readng out loud and just read it.

    then she made some tea and came back and read the whole thing.

    somewhere in there she asked what made me write it. and i said it was cuz i was really freaked out at work cuz they had moved me to a new department and i thought id get fired.

    but then i remembered that it was actually one of the ponys that got me into the original concept of what would happen next if i died.

    i believe it was the younger pony who wrote in their blog that there was a murder and i died and all these other bloggers were suspects. it was supposed to be funny and it was.

    so to be part of it i started writing these posts where i had died and gone on a busride to hell with kurt kobain.

    she said, wait you made this book because of some college girl?

    i said, well kristin (pictured) was in college, but i think her sister was still in high school.

    and she set down the tea cup

    put on her bikini top

    and left my house.

  3. Friday, January 30, 2009
  4. the secret life of babies 

    in a few hours we will know who is playing coachella.

    in a few hours i will be dreaming beautiful dreams that i will forget immediately.

    in a few hours our friends in toronto will be waking up to enjoy their super bowl fridays

    in a few hours it will be absolutely silent on this sleepy east hollywood street

    in a few hours exactly no one will be on this blog.

    except for that crazy baby in that video, who is now my new bff.

  5. Thursday, January 29, 2009

    why nothing in here is true 

    this week four different people have asked me about things in this blog that werent true and were somewhat shocked to be reminded the tagline of this thing, which may be the best thing ive ever written.

    a long time ago i wrote very sad poems. great poems, but very sad.

    at the time i was very poor and i had a lot of friends and i wanted to get them all christmas gifts. so i made these little poetry books like “a house on the hill”, “say your prayers” “merry christmas” and “ilka” and gave them out.

    because i knew i would be giving one to my mom, i didnt wanna freak her out, so i inserted a drawing of a stegosaurus on the back of the book and under it i wrote nothing in here is true.

    that line can psychologically give you great freedom when you write, and i say anything that you can do to psych yourself into being creative and open and expressive you should do, as long as it doesnt hurt anyone.

    when the busblog started i was having a pretty interesting life, i was working at my favorite tv station, i was dating incredible women, and almost immediately this thing was wildly popular. if you can find the archives and look through the comments i was getting so many comments on every post. i felt guilty about everything, but i had to tell the stories, so nothing in here is true sorta made me feel like it wasnt bragging in a way.

    especially when i wrote about the xbi’s helicopter, chopper one.

    and my true love.

    i always admired the way that writers in the past were able to say “its fiction” and everything was cool.

    over the years i have seen other blogs out there use the phrase to give themselves a little freedom and it makes me happy and makes me wanna read closer even. because if hes truly an unreliable narrator, even the most mundane things can be fun because who knows whats really going on.

    for example

    tonight i went to the tiki ti and we had the most delicious rum punch. nine bucks a glass and so worth it.

  6. flagrant disregard, 

    one of my all time favorite bloggers, has not posted this year

    i never know how much of her blog to believe. sometimes she seems really sick. sometimes she seems perfectly healthy. sometimes she seems like one of the best and mysterious bloggers of all times.

    i dont know how to motivate her. should i email her? should i write a blog post? should i promise not to update the busblog until she updates her thing? should i threaten to remove the governor of illinois from office until she at least tweets?

    i wanna give her her space, but on the other hand, i want her to do the one thing she does better than 99% of mankind. does that make me selfish? i am selfish. i am flawed. i am afraid of all the things that scare her, but i guess the difference between she and i is that i believe in the invisible man in the sky so if something bad happens to me then who cares cuz i will (hopefully) be shagging flies in the big wrigley field in the sky.

    anyways i heart flagrant, i hope alls well, i hope shes happy, i hope shes safe, and i always feel better when shes in LA.

    but im gonna steal one of her pictures that she took every day till she posts. so there.

  7. as you know im a huge whiner 

    i blame andy rooney, whose job ive always been envious of

    and if theres one thing that can get under my skin its bad vending machines.

    i love vending machines because i like things NOW. i have no patience. youd think a cub fan would have it, but this one doesnt.

    look at this photo and ask yourself why are there Wild Cherry m&ms and not regular ones?

    then ask yourself why are there TWO rows of said m&ms?

    are we at the Times some weird study group? is there a shortage of REAL m&ms?

    and why no Peanut M&Ms? oh, never mind that question.

    but seriously, what the hell?

  8. Wednesday, January 28, 2009

    if i had a band 

    it would be named omg lost

    if i had a boat, it would be named omg lost

    if i had a baby, that babys dumb name would be omg lost pierce

    people try to prove how great they are at making cool creative names for their rockstar kids, name that thing omg and then come talk to me.

    almost didnt get to see lost cuz i swore i had season pass’ed lost on my tivo, being that its my favorite show and all. but alas when i got home from eating late there was no recording going on at all. bad sign.

    fortunately i know how lame i can be, so i have a backup tivo rockin in the living room and it was just finishing off recording lost and dying to show me that amazing episode.

    lost can do no wrong. everyone who bailed out on it are now missing out.

    this season is three episodes old and its been so good i now want to go back and get all the seasons before it and re-watch them to see how they were able to get us here.

    it’s genius.

    if i had a tombstone, itd say omg lost

    if i had a really big wart, id name it omg lost

    if i had a business finding missing people via esp, id name it omg lost

    if i was asked to write the musical based on my unfinished screenplay based on the classic novel by milton, the musical would be called omg (paradise) lost

  9. tonight i have a business meeting 

    does that make me grown up?

    when the cougar is being nice she says that i have successfully avoided growing up for over 100 years. when shes being mean she says that im not fooling anyone.

    im not trying to fool anyone, baby, i teller. ive always claimed to be an olde man, just because i dont drive a sedan and have a half dozen kids and a mortgage worth more than the house doesnt mean im trying to fool anyone or avoid anything. i just wanna have a good time.

    i think tonights biz dinner will be a good time. my problem is i just dont like things on my calendar. i like being free when i am done with work. maybe this is the problem with trying to fit excersize into my late night routine.

    heres what i like to do when i get home from work. i like to figure out what im gonna eat (aka which drive through will get my money), then i like to sit infront of my television and eat the food. then i like to go to my answering machine to see if an nba cheerleader or a starlet has called. if one of them has something interesting to do that night i like to think about it for one full minute and completely discount its value.

    then i like to shower, slip into my pajamas, crack open a nice book, and read.

    then i like to lay out whatever it is that i will be wearing in the morning.

    then i flip on the wii and play that until the witching hour and i pass out.

    nighttime is the righttime to decompress from the day that, at least here, includes stories of people killing themselves, killing their families, or working out ways to screw over taxpayers or citizens or people who live in the towns next to them. which is why i should probably soak in the tub more than i do.