if i had a band

it would be named omg lost

if i had a boat, it would be named omg lost

if i had a baby, that babys dumb name would be omg lost pierce

people try to prove how great they are at making cool creative names for their rockstar kids, name that thing omg and then come talk to me.

almost didnt get to see lost cuz i swore i had season pass’ed lost on my tivo, being that its my favorite show and all. but alas when i got home from eating late there was no recording going on at all. bad sign.

fortunately i know how lame i can be, so i have a backup tivo rockin in the living room and it was just finishing off recording lost and dying to show me that amazing episode.

lost can do no wrong. everyone who bailed out on it are now missing out.

this season is three episodes old and its been so good i now want to go back and get all the seasons before it and re-watch them to see how they were able to get us here.

it’s genius.

if i had a tombstone, itd say omg lost

if i had a really big wart, id name it omg lost

if i had a business finding missing people via esp, id name it omg lost

if i was asked to write the musical based on my unfinished screenplay based on the classic novel by milton, the musical would be called omg (paradise) lost

tonight i have a business meeting

does that make me grown up?

when the cougar is being nice she says that i have successfully avoided growing up for over 100 years. when shes being mean she says that im not fooling anyone.

im not trying to fool anyone, baby, i teller. ive always claimed to be an olde man, just because i dont drive a sedan and have a half dozen kids and a mortgage worth more than the house doesnt mean im trying to fool anyone or avoid anything. i just wanna have a good time.

i think tonights biz dinner will be a good time. my problem is i just dont like things on my calendar. i like being free when i am done with work. maybe this is the problem with trying to fit excersize into my late night routine.

heres what i like to do when i get home from work. i like to figure out what im gonna eat (aka which drive through will get my money), then i like to sit infront of my television and eat the food. then i like to go to my answering machine to see if an nba cheerleader or a starlet has called. if one of them has something interesting to do that night i like to think about it for one full minute and completely discount its value.

then i like to shower, slip into my pajamas, crack open a nice book, and read.

then i like to lay out whatever it is that i will be wearing in the morning.

then i flip on the wii and play that until the witching hour and i pass out.

nighttime is the righttime to decompress from the day that, at least here, includes stories of people killing themselves, killing their families, or working out ways to screw over taxpayers or citizens or people who live in the towns next to them. which is why i should probably soak in the tub more than i do.

i love karisa, mostly cuz shes sick of me being fat

so yesterday i took the subway home and walked the long way back to my house.

i thought about running once i got home, but when i got my mail i saw that i had my W2 in there. because last year was a rare year where i had only one employer and very little extraneous monkey business going on, so i looked up “tax calculator” on google to just get a glimpse of what i had in store for me and the crazy thing said i was gonna get like a 900 refund.

so i dialed up some online tax thing, like tax act or something and i kept plugging in numbers and before i knew it an hour had sped by and i was done doing my taxes

and i had $1,100 coming back.

i looked at my work again and everything looked right and i paid online for the tax “software” (even though it was all online), and i direct deposited my refunds and there it was 10pm and i was done.

it was crazy.

i still dont really believe it.

the cougar called to see what i was up to and i said i was thinking about eating some ice cream to celebrate. and she said, you cant eat ice cream at 10 at night. and i was all, isnt that exactly when ice cream was meant to be consumed?

she said, depends is it ice milk or ice cream? i said its ben and jerrys whatever that is.

she said you cant eat that.

and so much of me wants to say screw all of this. man has faught and struggled and done everything it can to reach this point where theres refrigeration and supply chains, and world markets, just so i can get something in my house thats delicious and safe and delicious, and because a few people wanna live 5 years later in life or fit into a pair of skinny jeans i cant reward myself properly with a deep fried taco from jack in the crack and some chunky monkey with whipped cream on top?

i love LA.

so much.

but this is ridic