why nothing in here is true

this week four different people have asked me about things in this blog that werent true and were somewhat shocked to be reminded the tagline of this thing, which may be the best thing ive ever written.

a long time ago i wrote very sad poems. great poems, but very sad.

at the time i was very poor and i had a lot of friends and i wanted to get them all christmas gifts. so i made these little poetry books like “a house on the hill”, “say your prayers” “merry christmas” and “ilka” and gave them out.

because i knew i would be giving one to my mom, i didnt wanna freak her out, so i inserted a drawing of a stegosaurus on the back of the book and under it i wrote nothing in here is true.

that line can psychologically give you great freedom when you write, and i say anything that you can do to psych yourself into being creative and open and expressive you should do, as long as it doesnt hurt anyone.

when the busblog started i was having a pretty interesting life, i was working at my favorite tv station, i was dating incredible women, and almost immediately this thing was wildly popular. if you can find the archives and look through the comments i was getting so many comments on every post. i felt guilty about everything, but i had to tell the stories, so nothing in here is true sorta made me feel like it wasnt bragging in a way.

especially when i wrote about the xbi’s helicopter, chopper one.

and my true love.

i always admired the way that writers in the past were able to say “its fiction” and everything was cool.

over the years i have seen other blogs out there use the phrase to give themselves a little freedom and it makes me happy and makes me wanna read closer even. because if hes truly an unreliable narrator, even the most mundane things can be fun because who knows whats really going on.

for example

tonight i went to the tiki ti and we had the most delicious rum punch. nine bucks a glass and so worth it.

flagrant disregard,

one of my all time favorite bloggers, has not posted this year

i never know how much of her blog to believe. sometimes she seems really sick. sometimes she seems perfectly healthy. sometimes she seems like one of the best and mysterious bloggers of all times.

i dont know how to motivate her. should i email her? should i write a blog post? should i promise not to update the busblog until she updates her thing? should i threaten to remove the governor of illinois from office until she at least tweets?

i wanna give her her space, but on the other hand, i want her to do the one thing she does better than 99% of mankind. does that make me selfish? i am selfish. i am flawed. i am afraid of all the things that scare her, but i guess the difference between she and i is that i believe in the invisible man in the sky so if something bad happens to me then who cares cuz i will (hopefully) be shagging flies in the big wrigley field in the sky.

anyways i heart flagrant, i hope alls well, i hope shes happy, i hope shes safe, and i always feel better when shes in LA.

but im gonna steal one of her pictures that she took every day till she posts. so there.

as you know im a huge whiner

i blame andy rooney, whose job ive always been envious of

and if theres one thing that can get under my skin its bad vending machines.

i love vending machines because i like things NOW. i have no patience. youd think a cub fan would have it, but this one doesnt.

look at this photo and ask yourself why are there Wild Cherry m&ms and not regular ones?

then ask yourself why are there TWO rows of said m&ms?

are we at the Times some weird study group? is there a shortage of REAL m&ms?

and why no Peanut M&Ms? oh, never mind that question.

but seriously, what the hell?