only problem with newspapers

is they tell burglars when youre at yr mistress’s vacation home

every time i go hiking my body totally goes into shock. the first day everythings fine. great in fact.

next day everythings even better. sorta like “hey heres a bunch more energy than you had yesterday”

but somewhere along the line the body gets together and says “ok we have to stop this fool. this is worse than when he drank his way through college. this is worse than when he dated his way through grad school. this is worse than when he was on a drive-thru diet.”

and i start sniffling and getting “allergies”. my body isnt sore. in fact its happy. but my nose and lungs are effed.

i had the most amazing dreams last night.

this shadowy creature wanted me to be their valentine.

she kissed me and it tasted almost exactly like a sweaty pillow.