1. Saturday, March 7, 2009

    clipper girl is not amused that i chose to stay inside today 

    its nice outside but i was feeling a little sniffly at the end of work last night and the last thing i wanna do is get a cold right before i go to sxsw. so i tolder id see her on monday or tuesday but right now i needed to laze about and eat trail mix and watch the cubs / brewers on directv from arizona.

    i have this new technique ive been using with her. the more she shouts the quieter i’ll whisper. it makes her yell WHAT even louder.

    as she was hollering i heard some really good cussing between the home plate ump and someone in the brewers dugout.

    “i guess you called that a strike, blue, because you dont give a {blank}” the brewer yelled at the ump.

    “oh we give a {blank}” the ump said whipping off his mask and stomping in the direction of the voice.

    it was a bad call, but who cares, we got to hear these guys get all pissed off during an exhibition game in the desert.

    no offense but when i am watching spring training games i dont need the players being all aggro on a check swing strike. it makes me think that theyre experiencing roid rage or they have money on the game. two things they probably dont want baseball fans to have floating through our heads.

    i hung up on the cheerleader and twittered my feelings.

    about an hour and a half later theyre scanning through the crowd and theres a couple in the outfield “stands” (its really a mound of grass behind the outfield wall). they kiss. they kiss again. the dude looks down into his girlfriend’s plentiful bosom, licks his fingers a few times, and digs down into her shirt!

    what exactly was he up to? did he spot some hot dog bun crumbs down there?

    did he spy a stray m&m?

    had he dropped a contact lens?

    unfortunately the director cut to a far less interesting fan before any of these questions could be answered completely.