1. Monday, April 6, 2009

    last week was probably my toughest week at the times 

    not because of personalities or anything like that but because of technology.

    and i was sick as a dog.

    the biggest problem is im a poetry major and sometimes the blog editor needs to be something other than a motivator or an editor or a marketer or an SEO master, he has to be able to roll up his sleeves and fix complicated technical problems.

    believe it or not, but sometimes i can actually do that stuff too, but last week i was checkmated by technology that i can’t even see. and i was coughing up my lungs.

    so it was frustration atop frustration and it was hard to tell if it was my failings or my illness that was making me want to just curl up and die.

    when people are put in a pressure situation there are usually two options: fight or flight. growing up as the only black kid in school in a pretty small community, flight was never an answer because the next day you were still black and now you were known as a coward, so fighting through problems was what i learned to do.

    any of you who read the busblog back in the olden days, or read the comment threads of LAist saw that i never backed down from a fight. id attack anyone for any reason. sometimes foolishly, but rarely would i not confront what i perceived as an attack.

    last week there was no one or nothing to fight. it was this faceless entity that was seemingly owned by no one, and there was no one to call, nothing to adjust, no one to ask for help.

    and thats where prayer comes in. cuz youre never alone if you are a Christian. you always have someone to lean on. you always have a wildcard hidden in your shirt sleeve. you always have an ace.

    the problem still isnt solved. but today i have peace of mind, mostly because i am no longer hacking and sneezing and feeling like a hundred bucks any more, which has helped me think clearer. and it reminded me that there is someone upstairs who loves me. dumb old me. and he wants my crap to work too.

    it was gorgeous today in LA and i wish you were here.