nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, April 27, 2009

    swine flu shall unite us all 

    raymi: when are you going to come up with a new idea for friday posts?

    when you and fil get married, and not a moment sooner.

    Chris Carnaghi Do you think that the dating and romance scene has dried up? From my quasi glitterati socialite perspective, it seems as though the ladies are just not into, dating, relationships, thinking about marriage or kids, men, dads. Nothing. I thought the economy is suppose to affect the hemlines. It’s just plain weird out there and I know it’s not me. Or maybe it’s me.

    even though it might appear that there is a newer, looser, sexual revolution out there, i wouldnt say that women don’t want romance. they might not demand it like they used to, but flowers, a little gift, and a nice dinner can go a long way. also as men, we’re supposed to be supermen, unaffected by the economy. so i dont think there are any excuses for not getting dessert at dinner, which will probably lead to dessert after dinner if you play your cards right.

    Basart: Bigger And Deffer or Radio?

    even though neither of those records hold up nowadays, when they were first released in the 80s they were groundbreaking and monumental. definitely on par with anything on Def Jam at the time (Run DMC, Beastie Boys, etc). and despite the fact that Radio was always considered the most important LL record of all time, id say that Bigger and Deffer had a greater impact on his career because it proved several things: Cool J was no flash in the pan, he could get harder than his debut (“I’m Bad”), and a hip hop ballad was not only possible (“I Need Love”) but it would sell – and not at the detriment of the artist.

    in other news – hi Carmen!

    vinny: I wish to move away from the place I currently live, Edmonton, Canada. But where should I move to, LA or Las Vegas?? Of course I will have to win the lottery to pull this off, but that should happen soon enough.

    Both cities are exciting, bizarre, and warm. If you enjoy 100+ degree days, Vegas is a place i’d like to retire to, but LA is my lady.

    Ali: If you work in an environment where casual drinking is commonplace during business affairs, whats the best drink for a girl to order to impress the male higher ups? Let’s say they order scotch.

    a young lady in a business situation should really pay more attention to her alcohol intake than in any other situation. she should definitely have the bartender water down her drinks when at all possible, preferably with ginger ale if scotch is the booze of the house. the idea is to appear to be drinking, but still be on top of things, namely everything.

    i once found myself in a situation when i worked at a billion dollar electronics manufacturer where one particular loud mouth swore he could drink everyone under the table. someone paid the waitress $20 up front to serve apple juice to those of us who asked for scotch. loud mouthy was drinking gin and “won” about two hours into the shenanigans. but we won at the 9am meeting when he couldnt keep his eyes open for more than 2 minutes of the VP’s presentation.

    so if some way you could work a way to down one drink for every three of theirs, you should do quite well, for a very long time at that company.

    pitt: whatcha gonna do, when Roy Halladay, and all his Halladamiacs, run wild on you!!! Brother!

    three things i dont spend too much time worrying about: canadian baseball teams, guys named Roy, and anyone from the Junior Circuit.

    katie: should i stay or should i go?

    well if joe and mick are correct, if you go there will be trouble. however they also say that if you stay there will be double. so i say plop on a floppy hat, pack your bags and make like a tree and get on with the next chapter of your life.

    timmay!!!!!: have you read this?

    i hadnt till you pointed it out. craziness! especially how the cops waited to see if she would get behind the wheel again, and when she did, they popped her quick! but what i liked the most was the fact that the publisher of the paper and the tv news channel who seemingly blundered by taking her to her car after just being in jail for alleged DUI is just 40 years old. id imagine that someone so relatively young probably hadnt made many judgment errors in the past.

    Bobby D: Shes a witch of trouble in electric blue. In her own mad mind shes in love with you. Now what you gonna do?

    im gonna take off with bob n doug, eat some back bacon, and down that delicious strange brew.

    g/d: no tasers. yes lasers. or really bright pretty lights. go L.A, make it a single malt, I dig the friday posts.

    glad you like the friday posts. sorry it took me till monday to bust with the answers, but i had such a crazy weekend i havent even developed my pics yet from friday night.

    zona: did you see the wind save my cousn’s ass the other day at wrigley? do you think he’ll last the full season in that rotation?

    i betcha one reason your cousin came to chicago was because when that wind blows in guys like him can groove em right down broadway and not have to fear of the extra bases. mr lilly will not only last the full season but he and rich harden will win 20 games.

  2. not sure i could have had a weirder weekend 

    which is good. and a reason why you shouldnt kill yrself.

    because you never know whats gonna happen each day. you never know how good a rock band is gonna be. you never know how bad a lunch is gonna be. you never know how good a movie is gonna be. you never know how good a bad dinner is gonna be.

    and you never know who’s gonna wake up next to you in hollywood.

    i know i come across as mr. knowitall a lot on here. and some things i do know a few things about. but most of the time im just floating around space like you are, totally clueless, and reacting (and sometimes over reacting) just like you are.

    theres only one person who knows it all, and thats raymi. the rest of us pretty much have to go with the flow and try to make good decisions.

    my problem seems to be how can i keep being honest but not be rude, how can i keep it real while keeping my friends, how can i present an open and honest blog while honoring the privacy of those who dont have open and honest blogs for a reason.

    so even though i had many tasty foods and some pretty interesting adventures, all we get this early afternoon is a photo of the drive through i was in when general pitt of toronto called me to tell me that the blue jays were skull-effing the white sox. and image that i didnt really want in my head before i ordered a #11 no tomatoes, diet coke, but thats what he put in there and then he hung up.

    of all the things i dont know, i do know this about canada. if i lived anywhere it would be the gta.

  3. Saturday, April 25, 2009
  4. because im a boring straight male 

    maude was my favorite bea arthur tv series, not golden girls

    but almost two years ago there was a celebration for the golden girls that i couldnt resist

    it was an art show of various artists honoring the long running show, called Golden Gals Gone Wild, curated by the amazing lenora claire.

    very adult orientated, and probably not exactly the way ms. arthur would have wanted to be remembered on the day of her death, but its what i thought of when i heard the sad news today.

    Beatrice Arthur, best known as the acerbic Maude Findlay on Norman Lear’s sitcom “Maude” and as the strong-willed Dorothy Zbornak on the long-running “The Golden Girls,” died today. She was 86.

    Arthur, a stage-trained actress who was a success on Broadway long before television audiences got to know her, died of cancer at her Los Angeles home, family spokesman Dan Watt told the Associated Press.

    In 1966, the tall and husky-voiced Arthur won a Tony for her performance as Angela Lansbury’s sharp-tongued sidekick, Vera Charles, in the original production of “Mame” on Broadway, which also was named best musical that year.

    thanks for being our friend.

    update: Bea Arthur on Premarin:

  5. Friday, April 24, 2009

    how on earth is it friday again 

    and so soon?

    thus i suppose its Ask Tony. but since we should let people have choices in this country, today should also be – if you choose – to Answer Tony

    so if someone asks a question and you have the answer, feel free to chime in.

    soon i wont even have to be here.

    or you can answer this question: should this naked man have been tasered at coachella (nsfw)

  6. Thursday, April 23, 2009

    when i was a teenager, new to california 

    i took this awareness course that was supposed to change yr life.

    after night two of this five day deal, the instructor told us to go home and pamper ourselves. he said that because we had worked out some extremely emotional deep seeded issues over the last two days we should go soak in a tub or eat a pie or something really special because the next three days would be even more intense.

    but as i drove home i thought to myself, screw baths and pie. if this course was really working and really worth the time and money, i could go into the hottest club in LA, ask the hottest chick on the dancefloor to dance, and she would dance with me.

    so i marched into 321 (which is now a hooters) in santa monica and i wasnt dressed kroq new wave chic but those were just the demons in my head, i had been taught, that stop me from what i want. so i saw this super hot punk rock girl dancing all sexy and the voices got louder telling me she has a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, and i wasnt 21 yet so what could i offer her?

    but i was there to dance, i told myself and as i elbowed my way through the packed club depeche mode’s “just cant get enough” came on which made me nervous for some reason even though i loved that tune.

    and i got to her and i said wanna dance and she yelled WHAT

    apparently i wasnt speaking up, so i spoke up and she smiled and we danced

    i was so shocked and happy that after the song was over i ran outta the club and into my car and back home – without getting her phone number!

    but best of all, the next morning i told my tale to the class and during the break probably 3-4 hot babes came up to me and said, i have no idea why youd be nervous about ever approaching a girl. which made things even better.

    depeche mode plays tonight on hollywood blvd for free near vine and some of it is being shot for the jimmy kimmel show so if you cant make it there, tune in and dance along.

  7. first off, i love beyonce 

    but this is funny

    yesterday howard stern goofed on beyonce singing on the today show.

    apparently someone grabbed the audio from the soundboard from a performance Mrs. Fierce gave outside the morning show… and you might not be ready for this screeching.

    whatevs, shes still my american idol.

  8. is it me, or are planes having a hard time recently 

    of course the latest craziness happened in florida:

    The 22-year-old pilot, Kyle Davis, and his passenger, Joe Surowiec, were not injured in the landing and declined medical treatment, officials said.

    The landing of the dual-seat SkyRanger airplane shortly after 10 a.m. was caught on video by Surowiec, a professional videographer, and was posted on YouTube.

    The two landed just west of 29th Street Northwest and Davis guided the plane into a parking lot at Brooks Furniture, 2951 Havendale Blvd. N.W., said Polk County sheriff’s spokeswoman Donna Wood

    “By the grace of God, there wasn’t a whole lot of traffic,” Davis said. “If there had been traffic on the road and I thought I was going to put people in danger, I would have landed in the lake.”

    i think i will just walk everywhere.

  9. Wednesday, April 22, 2009

    when love comes to town: yesterday an In-N-Out truck pulled up next door to our office 

    everyone was abuzz in the office. even the vegans were all omg FRIES!

    the truck pulled up next door to the soon-to-be new LAPD HQ, so all the construction workers were first in line

    right across from the LAPD is City Hall and those peeps saw the commotion so they got in line:

    even though all they were serving were burgers and sodas (no fries, sorry vegans) people were all, who cares? IN N OUT!

    when the cashier said, this truck is here for charity people were all WHO CARES ITS IN N OUT – CHARGE ME DOUBLE! which they did.

    because even standing in 100 degree heat, most people swear that this is the best burger in town, and worth the price, the heat, the everything and i gotta say that even though im a Fatburger guy, In n Out fresh and hot from the truck was mighty sweet

  10. last week i was out of it, to say the least 

    that was manifested in losing my iphone, losing my work badge, and getting in fights with those who love me the most. but fortunately the black cloud has been lifted and we can return to our normal broadcast day.

    however, theres one piece from last week that i loved but didnt get around to writing about, and thats dan neils review of the new camaro. ive never been that much of a fan of camaros, in fact cars dont interest me very much, but one great thing about getting the paper every day is reading dan neil who last week was funny as hell about fast food commercials, then busted with this sweet camaro review whose opening is just damn classic:

    Despite some published reports, the 2010 Camaro SS is not really what you’d call a sports car, unless you tend to shave with a chain saw or sign your name with a piece of burning timber or make scrambled eggs by dropping a piano on a chicken. The consonant quality of this car, from the moment you turn the key to the moment you gratefully leave it in the chiropractor’s parking lot, is a wanton and cheerful disregard for finesse and delicacy.

    This is exactly right.

    You have to understand, after four decades in the market, the Camaro nameplate stands for something: 40-ounce beers, mullet hairdos, barbed-wire tattoos, that trick where you put cigarettes out on your tongue. If you ever stole cable TV from your neighbor, own more than two stuffed deer heads or have ever confused your girlfriend’s birth-control pills for Skittles, you might be a Camaro prospect.

    Oh, please, don’t even start with accusations of cultural stereotyping. I’m from North Carolina. A telephone pole with a Camaro wrapped around it might as well be the state tree.

    just as funny in person too.