busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, July 27, 2009

    its nights like this that i wish this was a real diary 

    because youd recognize some of the names. but sometimes names dont matter

    sometimes all that matters is that LA is my lady. and its yrs too. sometimes LA just opens up like a freshly arranged bouquet of flowers and dares you to shove your face right in the middle of that colorful spray and say smell it, blogger, smell it all.

    she was young and wearing someones soccer tshirt. her friend was sporting a bright green flight of the conchords shirt. both had someones boxers on and me and julio were down in the hot tub trying to see what we could see.

    hollywoods got one thing going for it: ghosts.

    if youre lucky the spirits will whisper in the ears of the starlets and convince them that history is one jager shot away. even though julio and i are amateur historians AT BEST.

    the drunker of the two wanted to play spin the bottle in the bubbling steaming tub and the sober of the four was all eh.

    someone was gonna get naked so i was all hey whose boxers are those floating? guess theyre mine.

    then another pair appeared. and man did the girls laugh.

    then another pair surfaced from the boiling brew and bro and i looked at each other and one of the babes blushed and the other treaded water while her jaw dropped.

    clearly nothing in here is true so all eyes were on drunky and reverse inebriatedmosis knows no rules so i was esping like crazy that my girl would do something sexy

    which she did. with her shirt. oddly without revealing anything. other than an amazing six pack.

    drunkess just sat there as bubbles floated around her. julio was no help, barely knowing english. and me, i had nothing else to take off!

    which is the most important thing that you should know about hollywood. most of its fake. most of it doenst have a happy ending. most of it is exactly like your town, which is so normal and wet and cold and fruitless as you march across the courtyard and up the stairs and inthe elevator and up to the penthouse and into the changing room and next to the kitchen and out to the valet and out comes the fiver

    the lexus.

    which one sir

    black convertible.

    not even midnight. not even chilly. but not really summer.

    but better than anything expected on a monday night in america

  2. peephole video harvard scholar sarah palin rapidshare 

    Sarah: Great post. Loved that scene. What’s the first thing you notice about a lady?

    at the xbi they taught us to recognize people by their teeth. because of that i have an unusual attraction to keeeersten dunst and patricia arquette.

    alecia: what is rss? help me!

    rss stands for really simple stimulation. and it will help you– wait, i mean really simple syndication.

    what it does is lets people read your beautiful adventures in a variety of different places, most importantly web readers like Google Reader. readers allow people to keep track of their favorite blogs, comments, and websites via the RSS “feeds” that dump all the favorited the content into one convenient place.

    to create an RSS feed on a blogspot blog, like yours, is actually really simple. just go to your blogger dashboard, then click Settings, then Site Feed. then change the first setting from Allow Blog Feeds from “None” to “Full”. then click Save and walla, you have an RSS feed for your killer blog. congrats! now when people come to your deal they will see an orange symbol to the right of your URL and when they click it they can subscribe to your loveliness.

    alecia and i a few years ago

    Steven Allen Adams: I’m moving to my first roommate-free place in August. What are the essentials to having a sweet pad?

    every bachelor should have a man-sized safe, a reliable and sturdy blender, an immaculately clean bathroom, and a german coffee maker. and also a maid. and also lots of ice.

    Keira-Anne: How come Ask Tony questions are sometimes hard to come up with? Okay, just kidding – that’s not it. What can a girl do to be less intimidating to the opposite sex? I’m told I cast a shadow of intimidation, but I’m actually really, really, really nice.

    if a man is intimidated by a woman their future is pretty much doomed right from the start. why even bother futzing with it? who are these people, any way? i keep hearing all this talk about men but i dont see examples of them all that often. some dont wanna bust, some dont wanna rock. some dont even wanna talk. of the two sexes, the sexist belief is that the man is supposed to be less fearful, yet the opposite is generally the case. there was a time when men sailed into the uncharted seas, or ventured through the great unknown, or rode dinosaurs into improbable wars. but now the males roaming this crust are intimidated by blonde chicks in canada? good god, americas hat, get it together before that stuff leaks down here.

    jon: How are you, beating the heat?

    because the weathers all effed up due to global warming or the recession or 9/11 or something this summer hasnt been all that hot. we’ve had a few really toasty days and this afternoon i was in burbank with a hottie and walking across the parking lot i was all meetya inside cuz it was like someone was blowing heat at us.

    fortunately i live in hollywood which is the breezier side of the hills, and i work in downtown in an overly airconditioned office building. at least our floor is. we have a floor whose ac wasnt working that great and one of the bosses said everyone could wear shorts on friday.

    anyways at home i like to sweat. but the visitors usually dont, so ive been seeing a lot of movies on hot days. for example sunday i saw Up. i didnt cry. but it did affect me.

    Smelly Danielly: As a guy, which is hotter? Steamy, passionate, amazing sex, or a mind blowing [oral gratification]?

    i think that guys differ here. i think the more selfish fellow would probably choose the latter, but in the long run i would imagine its better to have a shared experience that both parties would always remember.

    pitt: what’s goin’ on?

    the cubs are in first place, latimesblogs are #3 on technorati, and i just saved twenty percent on my car insurance. life is good.

    timmay!!!!!: who gets roy halladay?

    it all depends on if the bankruptcy judge lets the cubs go get him. if they dont then the angels would be fools not to grab him.

    Travis: Why isn’t Raymi on your list anymore?

    the easiest way to get on my link list is to whattya know link to the worlds greatest busblog. in fact it’s the only instruction above the list, which makes it perplexing that such an isightful chap like you travis wouldn’t have noticed, or chose to over look. bonus points for linking to the new url of blog.tonypierce.com

    Cupcake: Can I please be added to your links on the left? I added you to mine and I’m cute!

    as you know every sunday i read a chapter of the bible. sometimes i go nuts and read two. last night i was reading about the day the Lord chose to anoint david to lead the jews. in an interesting perspective, we get to watch God work through samuel to show him which of the eight sons of jesse was to be the blessed one. we learn from first samuel that the Lord isn’t like you and i, he doesnt care about looks:

    4 So Samuel did what the LORD said, and went to Bethlehem. And the elders of the town trembled at his coming, and said, “Do you come peaceably?”
    5 And he said, “Peaceably; I have come to sacrifice to the LORD. Sanctify yourselves, and come with me to the sacrifice.” Then he consecrated Jesse and his sons, and invited them to the sacrifice.
    6 So it was, when they came, that he looked at Eliab and said, “Surely the LORD’s anointed is before Him!”
    7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
    8 So Jesse called Abinadab, and made him pass before Samuel. And he said, “Neither has the LORD chosen this one.” 9 Then Jesse made Shammah pass by. And he said, “Neither has the LORD chosen this one.” 10 Thus Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel. And Samuel said to Jesse, “The LORD has not chosen these.” 11 And Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all the young men here?” Then he said, “There remains yet the youngest, and there he is, keeping the sheep.”
    And Samuel said to Jesse, “Send and bring him. For we will not sit down till he comes here.” 12 So he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, with bright eyes, and good-looking. And the LORD said, “Arise, anoint him; for this is the one!” 13 Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers; and the Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward.

    well maybe he cares about looks a tad.

    g/d: is there a song that would describe the feeling of being underwater when your not?

    since the internal soundtrack to my life is 80s hip hop classics, id have to say Digital Underground’s “Underwater Rimes”

    zona: are you bummed that I didn’t get to L.A. 4 days earlier so we could drive down to Comic-Con? AND how many USC cheerleaders were you able to round up for my surprise birthday party?

    there are very few cities i have less love for than san diego. at some point the comic industry will realize that LA should host comic-con since its now so film-driven, and i will consider attending. 42.

    Andrea: Why is it the older you get, the harder it is to stay awake?

    because youre drinking better beer.

    John Wayne Maioriello: i got an original question too, but some of mine will be based on other peoples. Will you add me to your sidebar? I also have you linked on my site, and I’m not cute but I’m cool! you have already seen “the ugly truth” with that katherine heigl lady twice. (That one’s not a question, just an obvious statement of fact) Why when you get older is it harder to fall asleep? How many laker girls did you line up for zona’s party? how on earth does one get timmmay to visit Los Angeles? and lastly… why can’t obama do it right, and just whip out a single payer health plan?? Why all the butt kissery to existing insurance companies?!

    maybe. ha i wish, but instead i saw knocked up for the third time. i can fall asleep immediately – i should do it on stupid human tricks. 24. he says vicodin. he could but he’s saving that for the third act. because they have this thing called money which apparently makes the world go round.

    Bob D.: What’d you do for Slick Willie?

    the president had the need to fly in a black helicopter one night. turning down such a request would be downright unamerican

  3. Sunday, July 26, 2009
  4. Saturday, July 25, 2009
  5. Friday, July 24, 2009
  6. Thursday, July 23, 2009
  7. today is carolyn kellogg’s birthday. 

    shes 24.

    when hilary clinton wrote her book “it takes a village” many moons ago i didnt think it had any relation to me at all. but in reality any professional success i am currently enjoying is due to the kindness of others.

    carolyn and i met in austin at sxsw. i was there to speak on the Blogging While Black panel and she was in the front row. afterwards we chatted a little and then a year later there i was on the panel and there she was in the crowd and we chatted some more – except it ended with her letting me know that she was soon leaving her job running LAist.

    she floated the idea that i would be fairly qualified to succeed her but when she told me how little money she was getting paid there i politely declined, saying, damn thats such a great job its too bad it doesnt pay.

    two months later Carolyn was on her way to Pittsburgh to get her MFA and i was being fired from Buzznet. within days Carolyn had convinced her soon-to-be former bosses that i was the right man for the job and they should pay me. the rest, as they say, is herstory because without that lucky break i would never have had the chance to really show my stuff at LAist, and thus i would never had ended up here in my dream job less than two years later.

    so when the former president Bill Clinton had me do a favor for him, he asked me what he could do for me in exchange. i said, write carolyn kellogg a personal note. he was all, “the Jacket Copy blogger at the Times?” i said yes, and she also is the main writer for the Brand X blog. and because Bill always keeps his word, bam she got a pretty sweet gift yesterday.

    happy birthday Carolyn, i wouldnt be here without you!

  8. dont be young and stupid 

    aka why craig ferguson is better than letterman & conan

    the late late show host’s openings are always funny and sometimes brilliant

    monday night he explained so much in such a short period of time

    the irony of course is his audience is much younger than letterman and conan, so in a way he was preaching to the choir

    the question is, does the choir know they were being laughed at, or do they think theyre being laughed with?

    via Metafilter who at 10 years old is neither stupid nor young (in Internet time)

  9. Wednesday, July 22, 2009

    its pretty hard not to jump on the Manny bandwagon after last night 

    in case you didnt hear, or incase youre not a baseball fan, heres what happened

    it was a tie game, it was Manny Ramirez bobblehead night but Manny couldn’t start because he had been hit by a pitch the night before. he’s only played a few games after being suspended for most of the season for taking stuff thats against baseballs rules. something to do with female hormones.

    but like i said it was a tie game, with the bases loaded in the 6th inning so Joe Torre figured he might not get another chance to break the game wide open with one swing, so he called on Manny who, on the first pitch, blasted a grand salami into the left field seats otherwise known as Mannywood.

    Vin Scully said it was the loudest Dodger Stadium has been in 20 years and said that it was the greatest moment since Kurt Gibson hit one out in the world series.

    needless to say the Times has amazing coverage even including a little bit of something from yrs trly.

  10. today is the birthday of the one and only mr Os 

    long time host of the busblog, longer time musician and southern gentleman,
    os first came to this planet disguised as a copyeditor for the world famous daily nexus

    no one initially knew what his deal was, but we trusted that he came in peace

    armingly quiet, like a boozy gremlin if you added some red wine os would find himself yirping from atop a desk or small vehicle

    YIRP hed say

    YIRP!

    and then he’d hop down.

    not sure when os learned how to play the guitar or sing, but one day he showed up with probably the most beautiful guitar in all america and when youd least expect it hed be strumming it and then playing it and then serenading the stars with his calm, perfect tone

    did he secretly record vocals for Tsar? yes
    did he somewhat secretly marry my lawyer? cant remember
    do they have two of the most adorable kids since sliced bread? si!

    my only regret in life is not following all of my friends to Prague back when they all moved out there and changed the world as we know it.

    i dont regret missing out on trying to start that country’s first english language newspaper, i regret seeing german tourists form huge semi circles on charles bridge to listen to Os’s international hits.

    happy birthday kind sir, and many happy returns!

    photos via joel brand’s facebook