1. Thursday, September 17, 2009

    my iphone was blowing up. 

    and the screen said three simple letters, and i ignored them: xbi

    turns out a guy 5’6, 150 lbs was being transported from one suburb near my moms house to another suburb near my sisters house.

    both his hands and feet were shackled. he was in a car with two cops. at some point he overpowered one cop and got the other one to uncuff him.

    from what i hear he then cuffed both of them and walked into a wal-mart-ish store where he bought water and new clothes.

    then he carjacked someone and drove off.

    he was never seen again. which is why the xbi called me asking if i would help.

    “im on vacation.” i said, “plus im no longer a super hero. im a blog editor, furthest thing from a super hero.”

    BUT YOURE RIGHT THERE! they said.

    crazyiest coincidence ever, because as i was driving downtown this afternoon i saw a helicoper hovering at a few thousand feet. not circling, just sitting there in the air perfectly hovering.

    then on the freeway i saw two undercover cars with their lights on speeding up the freeway. they were all going to where they thought/think the guy was.

    to add even more craziness to all of this: the guy isnt even that bad of a guy, hes a purse snatcher who also did some holdups with a toy gun. he’d actually be great for the xbi if he wasnt a crook. which is why i think they want me to get him.

    but im retired. im thru being cool. but i do like that the reward is “substantial”.

    later my mom called me all in a panic because they put my neice’s school on lockdown.

    my mom was all, everyones afraid for their kids.

    and i said, mom, you know i love those kids with my whole heart. (when i drove in from the airport yesterday i got two happy meals, so i could eat a little something and give them the toys).

    but i said, “if you want that guy to surrender, just stick him in a house with those two for about 35 minutes. the best thing that could ever happen to Rolling Meadows (isnt that just the sweetest name for a town), would be if you volunteered those kids to subdue that dude.”

    thats not very nice, my mom told me.

    i know, its cruel and unusual.