1. Tuesday, December 29, 2009

    no matter what i do i cannot fall asleep in IL before 4:20am 

    probably because of all the late night excitement rocking the land of lincoln.

    if theres one thing you can say about my mom its she likes to be early for airplanes.

    thus my flight to Toronto tomorrow afternoon means i will be at O’Hare tomorrow morning.

    thanks, Testicle Bomber!

    speaking of my mom, she hates watching Da Bears or my Cubs live on tv. she thinks she will jinx them. so tonight she had her hands over her ears and was screaming as i was giving her the 4th quarter play-by-play of Brett Favre making that sweet comeback at Soldier Field.

    she was also pissed at the ESPN announcers kissing the ass of the 40something quarterback.

    “What’s the longest four-letter word,” she asked me. “That’s how I feel about Brett Favre.” Later she screamed, “KILL HIM! BREAK HIS ARM!”

    god she hates him.

    everywhere she tried to escape in this house i followed with a remote control. this woman lives alone most of the time (when the grandkids, her kids, or her friends arent here) but because shes the perfect host she has equipped her home with a tv in each room (sorry thieves but theyre all Montgomery Ward models circa 1888). but the other day she got AT&T Uverse on all of the sets so it was easy to turn on each set to monday night football.

    finally i trapped her in one room when the game went into OT and i said, ma, just enjoy the end of this game. its the second to last game of the season. so we sat on the edge of a guest room bed and watched that glorious ending which found Da Bears victorious. then we watched every post game wrap-up we could.

    such is the life of fans of a team that rarely wins (any more).

    earlier i treated her to her first sushi dinner. she loved it. she also loved drinking sake for the first time.

    i will miss her when i take off tomorrow. and hopefully next Christmas i wont be as crabby as i was the first half of this trip. the bitter cold and strange ways that my family does things takes some adjusting to. and murphys law, now that i have conformed to their practices its time for me to debauch in canada and return to the rock of hollywood.