busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, December 27, 2009

    a look back at the decade 

    my truest saves Africa for 2 1/2 years (3/6/06 – 9/9/08)

    if there was any doubt that she was a fallen angel, they went away when the sweetest girl flew away to deepest darkest africa and taught the world to sing.

    her dream had always been to join the peace corps. one republican bf after another did their best to crush her dream. they told her she was too old. they told her she was too young. they told her that because of this that or the other thing she wouldnt be allowed in.

    but she did that this and the other thing and on a super sad day she flew to massachussets, home of the corps, and the powers that be looked into her big blue eyes and said we are going to teach you everything you need to know, but if youre hearts not in it you will be sent home. likewise if you dont have what it takes you will ask to come home because this aint no Real World on MTV this is one of the poorest countries in the world where many of these folks have never seen a white person

    a place where so much is against the law – like two ladies kissing – and it will get you sent to jail for a decade. a place where you have to boil yr own water. a place where orphans are orphans because their parents died of AIDS but the whole village thinks it was just some Evil Spirit.

    a place where little kids hobble around with one arm and one leg and big smiles. a place where they dont speak english, in deed you have to learn the african tongue.

    she didnt blink, indeed those eyes just got bigger and bluer and her heart pounded because she was up for a Big Game. she was up for something more important that quality assurance at a dumb dot com in santa monica. she was up for something life changing and dangerous and wild and crazy and important and helpful and holy and beautiful.

    she went to africa and it was weirder and wilder and woolier than she expected and she loved it. others quit immediately. she hung in there. others freaked out about the bats and the rats and the superstitions and the lack of tony pierces but she stuck it out and in fact thrived.

    little kids cried when they saw her walking down the street because they thought she was a ghost. Mzumbo! they yelled (white girl!) and in their language she laughed and said “thats Ms. White Girl” and they stood frozen in awe and then jumped back into the jungle (later to be totally wooed by her).

    she danced in the discos in the main city, learned where to rent dvds in the little city. and figured out how to turn nothing into a Piggery in the tiny town. and when she left they cried and danced but mostly cried.

    these are people who have seen great tragedy in their lives. theyve had huge reasons to cry, but when our little angel had completed her task they wept like Dick Cheney was going to replace her.

    ive done some mighty fantastic things in my life dreams, but nothing compares to the time that the whitest girl you know who shops at Whole Foods, listens to NPR, drives a hybrid, and tears up during reruns of Gilmore Girls toughed it out in the motherland and left the place better than she found it.

    a true inspiration to everyone she touches. and one of the finest parts of the 00s.

  2. Saturday, December 26, 2009

    see this is why i didnt wanna do an ax tony last week 

    cuz i knew id be busy/trifling… but heres your answers anyway: late, cold, but with love from the midwest

    Joe: Yo Tony!
    Have you heard LCD Soundsystem’s “Daft Punk Is Playing At My House?”
    Gotta love two bass players and breakin’ it down with the cowbell, no?

    Didn’t this song drop like exactly two years ago? I even think they’ve played the Hollywood Bowl since this appearence on Letterman. I think its an ok song, nothing to get me to download for my Cowbell Hero, but since this generation hasnt had the benefit of being able to experience Devo or Talking Heads at their peak it doesnt surprise me that the likes of LCD and Lady Gaga make the year end Top 10 lists. But its better than the rise and fall of the boy bands, i suppose. Still i wonder what would have happened to Art Brut if King Missle had been a new band in 2008.

    alecia: these are like the fanciest comments ever holy ish! i am overwhelmed!

    okay my brain hurts i’m hungover here we go- how much do you like bacon on a scale of i like bacon just fine -> without bacon i would shoot myself in the face? there is no option for not liking bacon.

    also ooo i’m inspired: what is the worst hangover you’ve ever had? (my worst is tied between 2-3 day hangover following 21st birthday & the hangover i recieved after the first night i got into a bar on my fake id. both involved copious amounts of shots. only with the second one did i also wake up to horrendous regret involving a brown-bagger dude that i would later pretend not to know. i am a good person.)

    they are fancy. i wish they hadnt been thrust upon all of us Haloscan users. and Blogger should really be nervous because Haloscan was the best alternative to the default blogger comments and now that this JS-Kit nonsense is here, it will make me feel better about my inevitable switch to WordPress sometime next decade. but i do give them props for listening to all of the negative reaction and creating the fix so that the order of the comments reverted to the first comment being first and the second being second. but still, i hate these comments and im thrilled that i dont get the 30-60 comments per post that this blog usta get cuz i wouldnt have been able to handle the negativity that this would have attracted.

    i love bacon as much as the next red blooded american which means i hold it right below God, country, apple pie, kompassion, mom, porn, and satellite tv. had four slices this morning but dont tell my nutritionist cuz shes a hater.

    worst hangover ever? baby theres been so many. im sure some of them should have happened in college but we didnt have that much access to the hard liquor on account of our lack of ends. thus it was all cheap beer and party favors, most of which dont produce hangovers. the other thing about college is you were able to sleep in. hangovers are usually the result of being forced to awake after just a few hours of shut eye. so yes, i dont remember many hangovers because my brain hates bad memories and does an excellent job of clearing that cache. so the answer is last thursday.

    Sass:
    What’s an orphan to do for Christmas in LA?
    Where are all the babes I can make out with come New Year’s?
    Will you please pass on a big hug to Meredith R. Mistletoe and Aunti Raymi for me when you are in babe central, Toronto because I miss them very very much? Add lowercasecarmen to that list. And all my other friends. You know who they are.

    Christmas orphans should go to the area known as Skid Row and hand out food and faulty American Apparel goods. and the best time to do such things are any day thats not Christmas or Thanksgiving (cuz the poor are more than taken care of on those holidays). not only will the gifts be well received and mucho appreciatedo but the warmth in your heart will radiate you for the rest of yr life, if not thru the end of the year. and for those of us who have more checks in the Naughty column than in the Nice one, its good to try to even the score. likewise i will hug all the ladies of the GTA as i can – in your name of course.

    Andrea Wow, fancy. Wha’ts your favorite holiday tradition?

    My favorite is the part where i leave the warmth and comforts of sunny california and jet off to the midwest followed by the Great White North. its like the opposite of when the canadians go to Cuba for Christmas. i also like that i never prepare properly. currently i dont have a good snow coat with me or anything for my feet other than sneakers. of course in my Hollywood bachelor pad closet i have snowgear that could withstand 0 degree Soldier Field monday night football, as well as hiking boots.

    Mike: Are you as mad as everyone else Haloscan was bought out and now charging?

    I am a capitalist. the busblog has enjoyed a fair share of socialism thru donations, but it has also done quite well straight up selling crap. ive sold my afro, ive sold books, i even sold my soul (but in fairness it was for rock n roll – still waiting on that). so i have no problems with people selling their company to another or omg charging money for useful products. in the past ive given Haloscan money each and every time that they asked because as Jamie so eloquently wrote “sometimes the comments are the best part”. haloscan comments were a centerpiece of this blog for a very long time and when JS-Kit said “pay up and upgrade within 7 days or lose your archived comments forever (unless you download em and do something with them)”, i handed over the $10 and expected $10 worth of upgrades, for you, the children of the world. i dont believe ive received my moneys worth, yet. but Santa brought puppies, so who am i to whine?

    monkey: change (not the money kind) – love it or hate it?

    i love change when it means that girls i have the hots for suddenly become single (looking at you Toronto), love change when it means my Cubbies have signed free agents or traded for much needed bullpen help. dont love change when it means favorite stores and eateries have been replaced by chains or other businesses. also dont love change when it means open spaces have been built into frat houses or banks. if i had to pick between everything staying exactly the same or everything totally changing, id probably pick the staying of the same, even though i really dont like the state of todays music. but if lack of change meant we only let black men be president of the usa for the next 199 years thats something i could live with.

    Matt Welch: Boo the new comments thingie! Also, why did the Cubs have to be so racist against Milton Bradley?

    you know im more sensitive towards racism than anyone. but uncle milty was racist to himself. instead of paying that white 2nd basemen who hit 20 homers $5 million a year, Sam Zell gave $30 million (for 3 years) to Mr. Bradley instead. and what did Milton do in return? he acted a fool. almost to the levels of Lee Elia. so am i glad that the cubs got a crappy ass pitcher who they will probably put on waivers in exchange for Milton, who gets to enjoy the zenlike company of my favorite Japanese all star, Ichiro? no. i wish we could have traded him to the taliban for three goats and a rusty cage. but when i was doing some last minute christmas shopping i snickered when i saw that none of the 2010 Cubs calendars had Milton anywhere in em.

    g/d: why are comments evolved?

    sometimes people dont know when they have a good thing going. sometimes people will come to your apartment and they’ll be all, you should paint. or you should move your fridge to your kitchen. or you should get a washer drier. or you should lose 20 pounds. sometimes folks dont realize that everything is just right, like in that three bears story, sometimes people are right when they say you should change stuff. like they’ll say maybe you should at least Try sushi before you say no to it. or they’ll say maybe you should graduate from making out with 19 yr olds. or maybe you shouldnt settle for riding the bus and only earning $35k a year. but haloscan comments were so simple and so good, i agree with you, they did not need to be evolved. if they wanted to improve them a tad by letting people log in via twitter or facebook, then fine. but the evolution shoulda ended there.

    Ben: How are you liking the Echo comments system?

    oh em gee.

    Adriel: hmm…telling me i’m not a member of my own blog? oh well… what is your favorite christmas music? mine is emmy lou harris, vince guaraldi, and take 6.

    when Napster first appeared i was really poor. i had just taken a job as a customer service dude for $12 an hour. i had also sold or given away all of my cds. and vinyl. i was on a mission from God – long story.

    anyways when Napster happened i downloaded all of these Christmas songs. as many as i could. for some reason i was entranced with Christmas tunes. i compiled a cd of the best music and burned them on a disc. i created a cover and named it The Eazy-E Christmas Album. strangely people thought it really was the negro you love to hate singing chestnuts about deez nuts – and they didnt listen to it! instead it was Dean Martin, Springsteen, Sinatra, Run DMC, and the like.

    needless to say, after a while i got really sick of Christmas music, and not every Christmas is wonderful when youre a bachelor. but im happy to say that this year, for some reason, was the first year that i really got heavily back into Christmas music. maybe its cuz im really happy this year, and im stoked to have my truest back in the USA and im stoked to be healthy and successful at work, etc. and i feel very fortunate that i work with cool people, have a great boss, and am able to take advantage of Amazon who this year had a wide variety of Christmas music available for $3 or less on certain days.

    the music i liked the best this year came from Bing, Ella, Dean, as well as those canadian rockers who covered Do They Know its Christmas, Taylor Swift, and Mahalia Jackson.

    speaking of Jacksons, i burned a cd this year of Weezer and the Jackson 5 doing Christmas tunes.

    thats what we listened to when we opened gifts this year.

  3. been chatting with someone all night 

    who was telling me how everything this week symbolizes stuff. but im confused as to whether it symbolizes the year/decade thats ending or the one thats fixin to start.

    she says the latter, but whos to say its not the former?

    case in point: i just had the Best turkey dinner for Christmas. so juicy, so great. SO GREAT. so much so that i want another plate right now and its 339am. only problem is, if i go down to the kitchen, the little puppies will wake up and wanna play.

    i can hear one of them yapping right now. and why wouldnt you wanna play with em?

    anyways, i have a feeling the dinner symbolizes (if it symbolizes Anything) the great decade that just passed. so much happened. most of it was unexpected. for starters i started the decade in a foreign land, surrounded by so many of my friends, and we rang in the nude year, and we came back to america proud and stoked and ready to conquer the world.

    much like how the mashed potatoes and greens and cranberry sauce dominated all up in my belly.

    but then the gravy, the delicious gravy. my mom said she swore there was a leak in the pot because she’d add water and ten minutes later it was gone. the gravy of the decade was this blog: the thing i least expected would end up being the centerpiece of my life.

    but it made everything so much better. indeed without it, everything is good, but a little dry, however with it – perfection.

    if that meal symbolizes the future decade then fine, but it would be worrysome because it would mean that my cup will overfloweth. we had so much food the fridge is now overstuffed with leftovers.

    does that mean that i will be jon from jon plus kate is eight? hope not. i had no probs with jon (other than his Ed Hardy wardrobe) but each time i visit the 630 i realize how little patience i have for little creatures be them cats dogs or kids. im sure it would all be different if they were mine, but a plethora of people under my care would be a disaster.

    i dont even know where the remote control is in this room, lord help us all if i am supposed to remember where kid #3 is.

    i think it symbolizes the past. i think my future is more like the really good cookie i ate on the way up to the guest room: smooth, sweet, and a wee bit naughty.

    hope your Christmas was equally delicious.

  4. Friday, December 25, 2009
  5. Merry Christmas, babies 

    its sleeting ice. the winds trying to come in from the cold. every now and then you can hear the crispy snowpacks slide down the roof and crash into the driveway.

    its Christmas in the suburbs and the asphalt is shiny and black. the trees are bare and froze up real good. skinny branches emaciated and beautiful with stop motion tear drops and sweat stuck to their bows like theyre afraid of whats below.

    radio has never been good in the midwest but theres a metal station that barely comes in. twas rockin out to Dio’s “The Last in Line” in stop n go last minute shopping traffic when i switched over to XRT when the signal finally faded away and heard this new one from The Killers.

    it reminded me one of the most important lessons of life (and blogging): stay fresh, stay new, keep moving, keep reaching for that unattainable goal of artistic perfection. may 2010 deliver you your dark side of the moon. but until then enjoy the baked goods.

  6. Thursday, December 24, 2009

    had dinner drinks and dessert 

    with two girls from Elgin

    since we were experiencing an ICE STORM the ladies were nice enough to meet me halfway

    which meant the Mill Rose in South Barrington.

    you may recall that i met my high school crush there a year or two ago (god time flies).

    whats great about the place is they have fireplaces everywhere, wood everything, great food, stiff drinks, and even more fireplaces where you least expect them.

    they even had this huge Santa sculpture.

    and this:

    a chandelier made of antlers!!?!?!!

    jessica and mandy are total midwestern girls. very funny, sometimes foul mouthed, but as real as you can get, which i miss living in the oftentimes very phony la la land.

    and man was the beer good. so good we had to have “one for the road”, not paying attention at all to the fact that the roads were iced over (for her pleasure).

    jessica beat me to the blogging so she wins. she also wins because mandy invited her over for christmas eve cuz her family is having omg Turducken.

    so jeals.

  7. Wednesday, December 23, 2009

    its sleeting 

    its snowing

    its super pretty out, and i can hear the garage open. my moms home.

    she went out to get her hair and nails did. they were supposed to have Girls Night Out, but it looks like it might get canceled cuz of the weather.

    i was thinking how easily i could be living here now. when i was younger i was so broke. the possibility of moving back to ILL was so tempting

    my moms basement is bigger than my current apartment.

    i would have probably been the guy scooping the snow off peoples driveways.

    in fact i woulda figured out a way to get the contracts to shovel snow in the winter, and cut the grass in the summer of as many suburban communities as possible.

    not exactly what the Lord had instore for me, it appears. and for that i’m grateful.

    aim high, young folks. moms basement might be appealing in a lot of ways, but its far more rewarding to strike it out on yr own and blaze yr own trails. take it from me.

    ps if you notice the comments are now going in the right direction