1. Thursday, February 25, 2010

    Chris C. asks: 

    I am moving to Chile for this Woman [Etienne]. Tony do you know her? Why do I fall in love so easily? I would love to corresponde with her.

    dear Chris,

    yes I do know Etienne. not know know, but for a while she was one of my favorite bloggers. and no not just because shes adorable and hates clothes.

    i loved etienne because she was creative and fun and funny, and took great pics of canaduh, and hung out with interesting people and had aspirations of ruling the world.

    because you know that nothing in here is true, let me tell you the Story of E. once upon a time etienne realized that even though she was ridiculously attractive in a cafe-au-lait-Lolita way, in Canada she was just another hot babe because if we have established anything on the busblog it is: there are no fugly women in Canada.

    added to that a family tragedy and etienne said eff this im outta here. she moved to Thailand. then she bopped over to Spain. then she went back to Asia. she came back to Canada for holidays but then explored South America. breaking hearts all around the globe, including the heart of yours truly when she took down her eponymous blogspot.

    when i first became aware that etienne was a real person and not just a beautiful illusion set up to trick me into moving to Toronto i messaged her on MSN and asked her if she had a web cam. she did! i was convinced that when she got on cam the truth would be revealed, that there was this giant sized man who had a cute cousin who he took photographs of and pretended was this wild child.

    “is that really you etienne?” i typed while watching her laugh on the chat window.

    “of course it is. i should be asking you the same thing. am i really chatting with THE tony pierce?” she asked.

    soon we both realized that the only way we could both be sure that we were each other was to get naked in the chat and simultaneously talk dirty on the telephone.

    unfortunately she said, oh wait, how about first we pull out our drivers licenses and press them close to the camera.

    best laid plans, my man. anyway, add smart to her list of attributes. or at least “not dumb”.

    but id add smart because somehow she has figured out how to avoid the terrible climate of Americas Hat and has lived in what appears to be utter joy along some of the most tropical beaches around the world without the slightest need to blog any of it for our prying eyes.

    before she left north america she did party with the likes of The Pants, Raymi, and i think Bunny McIntosh. all of them gave her rave reviews and said that men melted in her wake.

    some say shes the root cause of global warming. sorry Climate Change.

    how can you contact her?

    i do it by blogging.