1. Thursday, April 29, 2010

    dont you wanna do more? 

    dont you wanna be free?

    dont you wanna be able to accept an all expense paid junket to japan?

    why would you wanna be chained to me?

    i am so out of control. im so not the future of blogging. im so not the right man for your kids.

    my little niece cute as can be, is sad that not many people are gonna be going to her First Communion.

    my mom called me first on my landline then at my office line to tell me that shes sad.

    i was all ma, that kid has everything – huge house, a nanny, the greatest grammy ever. its time for her to learn a valueable life lesson:

    Disappointment will follow you like a Shadow.

    my mom was all, she loves you, she wants her uncle to be around her.

    i was all, ma, i was a terrible brother, im a heart-attack inducing son, and im the meanest uncle.

    she sighed and said, all im saying is if she got a card from her uncle it would be very nice.

    so i said, oh i will send her a card, all right. DEAR LITTLE GIRL….

    suddenly my mom saw the error of her ways

    LOOK AROUND YOU, COUNT THE SQUARE FOOTAGE OF YR HOME, WHEN I WAS YR AGE

    thats fine tony, no need to write a card, she said

    AND ANOTHER THING, COUNT THE CHANNELS ON YR TV, WE HAD 5 CHANNELS WHEN WE WERE IN 2nd GRADe!

    im hanging up now

    YOU HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT FOR CHRISSAKE, YOU DONT EVER GET TO COMPLAIN OR BE SAD

    then me and my mom talked about Wii

    but if i ever find my sisters mailing address, that little kid’s gonna get the most awesomely freaky first communion card any niece ever got in her lyfe.