busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, June 24, 2010

    as much as i love this Star Trek treatment 

    of Ke$ha’s tik-tok

    i still dont think that anyone can top the Simpson’s version

    both versions probably took hundreds of man(and woman) hours

    but theres something a tad more amazing about bart lisa and the entire town doing their thing.

    but back to Ke$ha, who opens for Rihanna at Staples next month, shes ridiculously quotable. not only was she the first one who said she wanted to push Justin Beiber around in a baby carriage, but i love what she admitted in regard to yr girl Paris Hilton.

    “It is true that I barfed in her closet. I ate something funny, danced a little hard and it was at a party. To be honest I thought it was the bathroom. That’s all there is to it.”

    see why we like to hang out with Echo Park girls who hang out at the Gold Club?

  2. Wednesday, June 23, 2010

    there was an eight-hour tennis match today in england 

    kittenand some poor slobs had to Live Blog it!! as someone who tries to encourage people AWAY from live blogging, it is funny that what should have been an hour or two assignment turned oh so terribly wrong.

    by wrong i mean hilarious. especially when we are talking about british journalists.

    heres a very small sample of the genius that went down today in uk blogging. guardian, uk, that is:

    4.45pm: It’s ace number 62 for John Isner in the Never-Ending Story of Court 18, a tournament record. But, incredibly, Mahut seems to be coming back at him. He forges his way to the first deuce of the set thanks to a backhand lob that somehow gets over the head of the American, who stands six-foot-nine in his stockinged feet. Both men, as has been established, are now dead on their feet, although the Frenchman looks the marginally less rotten (a few less worms wriggling from his eye sockets).

    Naturally Isner holds on, He staggers, sightless, to the net and scrapes off a desperate drop volley for a winner. The American now leads 24-23. But inevitably we are still on serve.

    “No!” screams a gang of reporters. “Nooo!” I think that they are lamenting the match, but of course they are lamenting the football. On the other side of the world, Slovenia just came close to scoring.

    4.50pm: It’s over. It’s finally over. It was a long, hard match and it took its toll on the players. But finally, at long last, we have a result.

    I’m actually talking about the football here. England win 1-0 against Slovenia to go through to the knock-out stage. The Isner-Mahut match is still ongoing: 24-24 in the final set. Isner’s leg has just dropped off.

    if you didnt hear, the match was postponed due to darkness.

    it will resume tomorrow.

  3. this photo doesnt do the lady any justice 

    but lets pretend youre driving to work on Sunset Blvd and in the distance you see these long legs

    sure there are other things to notice: the fancy cars, the fire truck, the guy dressed up as a Subway sandwich spinning a sign, etc.

    but you see these legs.

    then lets say you just happen to have your iphone on yr lap cuz its belting out the summer jamz

    then lets say a schoolbus slows down to let a metro bus get in front of you.

    normally youd pound the steering column, frustrated that you’re gonna be 5 seconds later to work than you were planning on being.

    but these legs settle you down and you finally understand why racehorses always have a slightly smaller horse nearby

    so they can calm the testosterone-laden beasts.

    because when youre calm you can accept the world for what it is: beautiful

    and you now have time to do the right thing.

    which in this case is take a picture and turn south on alvarado

    and jump on the hollywood freeway

    to earn yr daily bread.

  4. Tuesday, June 22, 2010
  5. thats andy malcolm 

    todays his birthday. hes 24.

    hes also a champion chess player, a shape shifter, an award winning author, and one of the best people you’ll ever meet.

    usually facebook tells me when my friends have birthdays but when Andy got near 5,000 friends, facebook disabled his account.

    they wouldnt tell him why, they didnt tell him to stop whatever it was that he was doing, they didnt give the veteran journalist and former Laura Bush press secretary a second chance

    they just sent him this email and basically told him to suck it:

    Hi,

    Unfortunately, your account has been permanently disabled for violating Facebook’s Statement of Rights and Responsibilities. We will not be able to reactivate it for any reason, nor will we provide further explanation of your violation or the systems we have in place. This decision is absolutely final.

    Thanks,
    The Facebook Team

    its my belief that they didnt think that a gray haired grampa could get 5,000 friends without doing anything fishy.

    but andy is more popular than only a handful of people at the Times. and for good reason. bro works his tush off. if he doesnt get a million page views on a month he gets ornery and testy because during the election last year he was getting three times that.

    i keep telling him not to worry too much about the scoreboard because hes the king. hes our king. and sometimes people just dont wanna read about politics.

    but that doesnt detract andy. he’s an idealist. he thinks he can write in such a way that it’ll bring a smile to your face or get your blood boiling no matter if you wanna read about Obama or Biden or Ron Paul. and hes usually right.

    only one LA Times blogger my sister has ever asked me about. Geoff Boucher, the writer who interviews musicians and actors and writes the comic book blog Hero Complex? Nope. Lindsay Barnett the lovely and amazing animal blogger on Unleashed? no ma’am. shes only asked about Andy. Top of the Ticket.

    Lindsay by the way loves Andy so much she hugs him any time he drives in from his many mansions and blesses us with his presence.

    today he came in, even though it was his birthday, and he got a hug, and cake.

    and because Andy is the best, he gave ME a book that he penned. on his birthday. so i gave him a hug too.

    happy birthday Muskrat! hang in there and we will make these numbers seem like a beautiful beginning to a long and prosperous journey. cuz thats exactly whats up.

  6. dont call me daughter 

    i buy my expensive finery in a place called santee alley

    its close to the amazing flower mart, blocks away from skid row.

    the other day i was shopping for various items when i saw the most interesting scene.

    usually theres guys with little RC cars zipping around to the shouts of “5 Dolla 5 Dolla!” or ladies hawking colored contact lenses.

    you might even see a guy with a foot the size of a large pizza just sitting there in the middle of the walkway and i guess youre supposed to put money into his cup out of pity.

    anyways the other day i didnt see any of those people, but i did see a guy with a plastic bag with a stuffed animal tail sticking out of it.

    the gentleman would step on the bag and make cat screaming sounds.

    it wasnt clear what he was selling: was it the plastic bag with the tail? did he have a device in his mouth that was for sale that sounded like a cat yelling in intense pain?

    or was he just doing some dark, twisted, performance art?

    my shopping companion suggested that he was merely creating a distraction and that we should hold on to our wallets, but im a trusting man so i was simply hoping that he was an artist, performing, right there in santee alley.

    which probably isnt at all the case.

    later i saw a lady selling little baby tshirts, for babies, that had the words “free chorizo” written on the front, with an arrow pointing down.

    i pretended that she was a performance artist also.

  7. Monday, June 21, 2010
  8. sometimes when im happy 

    i can feel so sad

    like when youre swimming in the sea and you run into a cold spot

    or like when something so good starts hurting after a while

    like when you eat ice cream too fast or bowl too much

    or you love a girl so much you cut off yr ear

    and give it to her.

    and then go ahead and paint a picture of yrself with a bandage wrapped around your head

    as if its not the creepiest thing ever

  9. Sunday, June 20, 2010

    one thign great about LA is that the local celebs 

    are just as interesting as those we share with the rest of the world

    LAist’s Elise Thompson ran into the Pink Family at an event this week.

    did you know that Pink is a family name and not just descriptive of the famous dogs?

    did you also know that while I was getting my oil changed on La Brea and Melrose today I walked across the street to Pinks to get a dog. and did you know that after 15 minutes the line didnt move?

    did you know that i took like 5 pics of Pinks while i was there?

    did you know how i was all omg when i saw that Elise posted this vid probably exactly at the same time i was in line.

    do you believe in coincidences? did you know that Kurt Vonnegut said that coincidences make him believe in God even though he doesnt believe?

    yep.

    did you also know that Einstein said “Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous”.

  10. im actually surprised the birthers aren’t doing this more often 

    live tv, for all its beauty is really just an accident waiting to happen.

    you have these pretty reporters, satellite vans, and expensive cameras outside bars on a saturday night in los angeles – is it any surprise that some loud mouth would step into the shot to scream about how the president of the united states sleeps in a flying saucer et cetera.

    but you know why i love mankind? because i went to myfoxla to see if they had the clip up: no way

    then i went to youtubes to press my luck and bingo – theres the moment, perfectly cropped and uploaded for everyones pleasure.

    the uploader even seemed to know who the gentleman shouter is and what website he blogs on.

    and we run around praising the indians but all those slackers had were smoke signals.