nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, July 27, 2010

    today is my buddy bob’s birthday 

    hes 24.

    we met in the basement of Keeneyville School in kindergarten.

    my mom says that i was super outgoing and insane and bob was really quiet and intellectual so they put us together to see if our traits would rub off on each other.

    we were pretty inseparable until high school when i discovered girls. but the other truth was he was always a little better athlete than me, so he played varsity sports and i was in the band.

    while we were kids we played a lot of sports, collected baseball cards, and watched the cubs a lot. bob’s dad was an inventor in his spare time. he created these golf balls that had weights on one side so they would roll in a goofy way. it was perfect for mini golf tournaments cuz even the drunk people might win.

    bob is now a hot shot in the world’s finest microphone company. he still collects baseball cards and other deals on memoroboblia.com.

    recently we had a grade school reunion and it was great to see him and he gushed to our friends about how he re-discovered me through the busblog which is another reason this site has been priceless to me.

    Bob has two children, both named after great Cubbies.

    happy birthday, General Manager! This is the year!

  2. my man bob from memoriaboblia 

    sends in this old school Andre Dawson clip

    bob sez:

    This clip is so awesome for so many reasons:

    1) Dan Roan’s shirt
    2) Jim Essian soup-cooler
    3) Andre Dawson going nuts
    4) Young Lou Piniella
    5) Rob Dibble throwing a ball at baserunner Doug Dascenzo
    6) Bleacher Bums doing their thang


    and of course bob is right. long live the Hawk!

  3. Monday, July 26, 2010

    todays mick jaggers birthday. hes 24 

    when people ask who i like better the beatles or the stones i scoff.

    theres no competition.

    theres only one band that matters out of that pairing and id argue that some of it has to do with showmanship, since rock n roll is part spectacle.

    and sorry lads but playing on top of a building doesnt cut it.

    even if it was a tie, the winner would go to the lead man, in which case you have to give it to the stones because seriously who’s a better front man than mick jagger?

    hes right up there with elvis, james brown, michael jackson, and prince – even though he cant sing better or dance better than any of them.

    in fact Because of that, id call him the greatest star in rock

    next to jimi.

    happy birthday anyway, old man.

  4. hi dog days of summer 

    hi tony baloney full of macaroni. i dont know why im so tired today, my computers broke this weekend and i watched hella tv and got lots of rest for once in my life but here i am fully experiencing the Mondays and maybe this is why people take summer vacations. all i know is im not the man i used to be. i used to have so much life i used to have so many dreams i used to be able to rage against the machine and the machine would stop what it was doing and say damnit tony maybe you have a point and nowadays i rage and the machine just laughs and says oh yr so cute tony and flicks me away. is this why people just do the same old same old raise kids die trajectory? is this why people buy so many honda civics? is this why people sell out? i dont wanna sell out. im gen x inside and out. i know i dont look it any more with this button down shirt. i know ive been wearing blue and brown and working on the clampdown but when genx sells out genx cobains. and i dont wanna go out like that.

    yesterday the truest had an outta town guest. someone shes know for 20 years. someone who has MS but who hasnt let that get her down. shes traveled the world. lived in 25 different apartments in 20 years. we went to this Tibetan restaruant and this young lady was able to tell us all about the foods first hand from when she was in india. thats the path we should be on. we should be telling life what its gonna be not the reverse. sometimes i think i should kill my tv. sometimes im glad when my internet doesnt work. blasphemy, i know. sometimes i like it when there is no tap tap tap on my window from some doe eyed busblog fan. sometimes i like to be alone.

    sometimes i need to go to the basement and get mad.

    and emerge focused.

    maybe i need to do that at the end of the summer. maybe i need to take a two week road trip around the nation. maybe i need to stick my toe into the atlantic. maybe i need to kiss a girl somewhere. maybe i need to just head into the desert like jim morrisson and speak to the ancients. maybe i need to shave my head and hitchhike through mexico. maybe i need to start a punk band called the walking man of silverlake.

    who killed himself, fyi. in one of the weirdest ways ive ever heard of, he slipped into his hot tub and put the lid over himself and drowned. now news reports say that he had been investigated for giving pills to any druggie in town and that he was under investigation because a patient died. and again, thats not how i wanna go out, and i bet thats not what this doc thought he wanted to go out like neither.

    heres how i wanna go out. old. and i want sharks to tear me apart.

    i wanna die fighting.

    not quitting.

  5. Sunday, July 25, 2010

    today is miss carrie’s birthday 

    shes 24

    we first met during my roadtrip around the world. it was toronto. it was karaoke.

    she had a very jealous boyfriend at the time who even through the parked car knew that there was something special between us so he pouted and waited and steamed and jealousized the various different ways that i would steal his girl from his unworthy clutches.

    it was true i wanted her. but when i met her i felt oh so unworthy. she was cool she was hot she was so nice. i withered in her presence and was barely able to put together reasonable sentences.

    fortunately the music was so loud she couldnt hear me stammer and before we knew it there he was at the door of the establishment telling her it was time to come home.

    this past new year we were reunited. this time there was no boyfriend. instead there were lesbians, a hot tub, many large dogs, and a hilariously disgusting friend named Paulie.

    we soaked in the tub as the large flakes floated down on us as we sported clockwork orange makeup and reminisced about her air hockey prowess.

    for some reason the boys of TO dont see the loveliness of miss c the way i do and she swears that if she ever moves to LA that i would be her california boyfriend.

    in the meantime i follow her on facebook and watch her master the fine art of cake making and wonder what the hell is wrong with the gentlemen of the great white north that the path to her front door isnt lined with proper suitors and the skies arent filled with airplanes with signs being dragged behind them professing lines of love.

    maybe it means she does have to head south west, young lady.

    in the meantime happy birthday carrie cakes, inventor of the two cakes one cup delight that has spread across canada like a bad flu.


  6. Friday, July 23, 2010

    rage was incredible 

    they know know peers. everyone has gotten old, theyve stayed intense

    we were in the pit. the whole time. my arms are stinging from peoples’ plastic wrist bands scratching me all night due to the slamming and pushing and sweating

    oh and the sweating. my matthew good shirt was drenched as we left the place. it was so nice walking around hollywood in no shirt and an equally sweaty karisa next to me who couldnt revel in the freedom i was enjoying.

    the place was such a sausage fest that they turned one of the ladies rooms into a mens room. it was so latin that when the opener openers, a mexican band played, everyone cheered.

    it was such a great rock show that as everyone was exiting they all cheered some more. rage pumps you full of energy an they havent lost a step since they first kicked their way onto the scene some 17(!) years ago.

  7. this is the poster for the show tonight 

    yes i know im lucky

    rage hasnt played LA in 10 years.

    this is going to be awesome and i love conor oberst and the mystic valley band a lot. its a weird combination, but why not something sweet and mellow before the napalm explosion of rock.

  8. have the gen-x slackers grown up to be lackadaisical off-duty policemen? 

    back in my day if some kid ran onto the field, MLB security would have put down their footlongs and gladly, if not viciously, pursued the drunken yahoo.

    the result would have been violent, painful, and memorable.

    but this crew at Baltimore’s Camden Yard seemed more intent on containing the youthful trespasser than cracking skulls.

    is this the kinder, gentler world that the republicans promised us oh so long ago?

    im not sure i approve.

  9. Thursday, July 22, 2010

    tonight i will be watching a rock performance 

    by the group “rage against the machine”

    it will be at the legendary hollywood former dancehall, the hollywood palladium.

    there will be no original photos this weekend because i dont dare bring my camera.

    or my mobile telephone which has, as you’ve seen this week, a wonderfully good camera.

    i once interviewed henry rollins before a show at the palladium and he said when he performs he likes to wear as little as possible: hes barefoot, and only sports black shorts. no shirt.

    tonight i want to wear almost exactly that, plus shoes.

    i want to go to the pit and run around with the wild.

    i want the energy and the fire and the life of that hallowed hall to tear through me and for the music to create magic.

    i have seen so many bands this year who have disappointed or barely lived up to expectations.

    but rage against the machine? at a hastily arranged concert to raise awareness and funds to protest the controversial new Arizona law? in the center of hollywood on a friday night in the middle of summer?

    i predict an earthquake.