1. Tuesday, August 24, 2010

    im a man. im in the market for a car for a man 

    i like to spit. i like to wear bathing suit shorts with pockets. i like to listen to heavy metal created as close to Hell as possible. i like to bring pretty girls flowers.

    i like to eat meat, drink dark beer, and watch ESPN.

    i enjoy the Miss Universe pageant. and farting.

    i drive a car thats japanese and has dents. it was made in 1994.

    its a good car. a reliable car. but when i crank my metal it doesnt sound evil.

    and the cup holders cannot handle the girth of the beverages i receive from the drive thru

    when i honk my horn it sounds like a duck on its last days.

    i want a horn that will make people pee their pants.

    i want a car that says get the eff out of my way THIS IS THE FAST LANE.

    i want a car with a back seat so i can say come on baby lets live the american dream.

    i dont care if a car is a hybrid. i dont want an SUV.

    i dont want a car with a video camera pointed backwards because unlike oh so many i know how to parallel park – i am a man.

    strangely there are very few cars that make me say: yes, you deserve me.

    but this car, despite being a dodge, caught my attention.

    prepare to be test driven, retro american beast.