im a man. im in the market for a car for a man

i like to spit. i like to wear bathing suit shorts with pockets. i like to listen to heavy metal created as close to Hell as possible. i like to bring pretty girls flowers.

i like to eat meat, drink dark beer, and watch ESPN.

i enjoy the Miss Universe pageant. and farting.

i drive a car thats japanese and has dents. it was made in 1994.

its a good car. a reliable car. but when i crank my metal it doesnt sound evil.

and the cup holders cannot handle the girth of the beverages i receive from the drive thru

when i honk my horn it sounds like a duck on its last days.

i want a horn that will make people pee their pants.

i want a car that says get the eff out of my way THIS IS THE FAST LANE.

i want a car with a back seat so i can say come on baby lets live the american dream.

i dont care if a car is a hybrid. i dont want an SUV.

i dont want a car with a video camera pointed backwards because unlike oh so many i know how to parallel park – i am a man.

strangely there are very few cars that make me say: yes, you deserve me.

but this car, despite being a dodge, caught my attention.

prepare to be test driven, retro american beast.