Dear Tony, Valentine’s day is Monday, what’s the proper etiquette for going out on a date? Flowers? Chocolate? How upscale of a restaurant do I need to book? And should I be afraid of the little black dress???
Excellent questions, glad you asked.
The best thing about Valentine’s Day is it’s a completely made up holiday. I know, I know, you’re saying “aren’t they all?”
But this one is particularly made up because seriously if we can get someone to like us, never mind love us, that should be cause for celebration on it’s own. And if you’re relatively new to the relationship there are celebrations almost every day.
Anyways I dont know squat about etiquette, I only pretend to know what women want. And what I can imagine that they want is flowers, chocolate, good food, stimulating conversation, a relatively new and talked-about restaurant, and a great excuse to rock a hot dress and show the world that shes not spending the night inside wearing pajamas.
Thus our jobs as men are basically done as long as we show up on time sans flip flops.
Other thing we have to remember is babes today love to be the center of attention. Blame Myspace. Good news is, as always, we win. So do this:
When you get to her place hand her her flowers (and not chocolates, a half dozen mini cupcakes in a pretty bag), then step back and let her see you check her out.
The other day I was with a babe who looked so good I had to say, do you mind if I check you out for a minute? She might even spin around if you’re lucky. If not, maker.
Like in art class, check out every curve and every detail from the toe of her shoe up her legs around her shape does she have jewelry through her hair any hair clips to her tiara. Look closer, its there.
Don’t bring a lot of flowers. No cellophane wrap. No baby’s breath. No filler. How about a half dozen tulips or gerbers tied in twine.
Foreshadowing is your middle name Mike.
Make sure you look great too. Not halfass great. Really great. Why? Because if all you do is what I laid out, and you dont mention one disgusting thing at dinner or bring up one other girls name but hers, youre going to have sex right after dessert. Any where you want.
And if she asks you to put on her little black dress, don’t be afraid. Say only if you rip it off me.
Then fuzzy handcuff her quick before its too late.