being a cub fan means never having to say we won it all

met a cub fan the other night and he said

“between you and me i hope they never win, i hate the yuppies who fill the bleachers,

“i hate that they have luxury seats across the street, i hate that they hollowed out space under the bleachers for private parties

“i hate that tickets cost so much, i hate that everyone is suddenly so obsessed with winning.

“and i hate that theyre not winning.

“when i was young i never cared if they won.”

i said yeah what was so fun was betting your buddy a quarter to see which infielder would scratch himself first

and bro reached into a fridge, opened a beer, handed it to me

and said to his wife, “honey that is a real chicagoian”

and we clinked bottles.

but between you and i, i guess ive lived in LA too long.

cuz i want them to win.

sexy girl told me shed give me anything i needed

dc comics that is

problem is theres very little i need other than gas food lodging.

next step down are the things i want, which is also a pretty small list:

  • soul food and grape soda
  • the cubs to win the world series before i die
  • a ticket into heaven after i die

beneath that are things that wouldnt suck which are usually carnal on the surface but can vary widely and dont necessarily have to involve knee high socks or smoke machines

for example someone put an ad for our comic book blog Hero Complex in an actual DC comic book

that didnt suck.

when girls come over and let me take pictures of them in interesting outfits doesnt suck.

the cubs winning yesterday with a rally in the 8th inning definitely didnt suck

then there are the things that arent boring. eating is on that list.

i didnt used to like to eat. my stomach was in knots until i stepped foot in isla vista.

now when i can eat as much as i want and i wont get sick and pukey and feel horrible.

thats why when i do have kids im gonna give em tramp stamps that say


in gothic old english.

dont worry i’ll wait till they get into middle school first