happy mother’s day mom!

mothers dayas you can imagine, the only thing worse than being given the duty of being my mother is being handed the fate of being my younger sister.

for those reasons, both of the women  who i grew up with (the younger of whom is also a mother) should be praised for the simple fact that i was not justly murdered a long time a go by their hand.

the psychological implications alone would cripple even the strongest of dispositions.

i tell my mother practically everything. and i have a lot to say.

she is my rock, my voice of reason, my biggest fan.

and for that, i punish her with way too much TMI, and worse, a lifestyle that in many ways she would not approve.

for years i intentionally perused low paying idealistic jobs, dated far too young and dangerous women, and wrote a controversial and inflammatory online journal.

all while working secretly as a pilot of a black helicopter for an underground group of shady crimefighters called the xbi.

no mother wants these things. but mine perserveres.

whats harder is she lives so far from me. we used to see each other just once a year at christmas but ive made a better effort to come back home a little more than that over the last few years, the best was when we surprised her on her birthday by having me walk through the backyard while she was having brunch outside with my sister.

my mom has influenced me in many ways. the most obvious is my love for technology. my mom was one of the first computer programmers. the fact that she was a woman and black one at that only makes her that much more cooler in history, and it will be interesting how history holds people like my mom.

but the part that most people may not be aware of is my greenthumb is a direct reflection of hers.

my mom can grow anything out of anything. she has a tree growing out of a slurpee cup.

shes got something else growing out of a shoe. plants that put mine to shame.

and i know youre not supposed to be competitive about Everything, but when i realized how bad i was at succulents,

i made a concerted effort to be better at them, in part because my mom would be proud

as is evidence with these little fellas that i got from Callie when she moved to Mexico

i also cannot think of anyone other than my mom when i see tulips

although most people say things like awwww you keep your moms birthday cards to you,

what they forget is i also keep her presents like the jumbo charlie brown cubs Pez despenser

see mom you continue to influence my little world

I love you! Happy Mother’s Day!!


the mother of all posts about mother videos (not really)

Danzig “Mother”

I still have no idea what this is about and the video only confuses the issue.

Glenn Danzig has always been a fascinating character, but here we are supposed to believe that besides being seriously into body building and creative uses for neck hair, he’s also a voodoo practitioner? And this has to do with someone’s hot mom because of why?

Fountains of Wayne “Stacy’s Mom”

I have a very good idea what this is about and when you watch the video now some 8 years after it was released it’s impressive that i dont remember any public outcry as to how suggestive the images and concepts are swirling around two tweens.

hats off to rachel hunter who had no problem in the role of the scantily clad milf, and kudos to FOW for not only putting out the best Cars tune since “Drive” but for putting out one of the best pop singles of the Aughts.

little known fact: stacy’s mom was grammy nominated for best pop song by a duo and group. it lost to No Doubt’s dancehall infused “Underneath it All” sung by another mom who has it going on.

Pink Floyd “Mother”

in high school id listen to this album over and over. focusing on only a handful of songs, this one was one of those favorites.

not only was it the first time in the rock opera where we hear the protagonist discuss building a wall, but we start to see how complex his troubles are, beginning with, ironically, his co-dependent relationship with his mother which will lead to his poisonous relationships with women later (“dirty women” “one of my turns”).

it made me happy that my relationship with my mom (pictured, below) was nothing like that.

if anything it was closer to like Kanye West’s “Hey Mama”

Continue reading