whats in this bowl is not soup

its not stew its not curry its not gumbo

its name: Kang Som Cha-om Khai

which in English means “I Will Kill You Oh-Yes I Will”

its served at Breakup Thai, the magical hollywood haunt of the stars.

when normal people go there and eat even one dab of Kang Som Cha-om Khai

hair grows on their chest immediately, the price of tea in china rises by 1%,

and hell gets just a tad more hot.

its a flavor hidden in heat. and the more you struggle with the spiciness in an attempt to french kiss the delicious taste

the spice turns into several shades of evil to thwart your mission.

its a civil war in your mouth.

they serve a huge egg omelet along with it to cool you off and provide your gut with substinance

because the hideous deliciousness evaporates on its way down your hole

Yi Z on Yelp said, “The ‘curry’ had such a foul smell that I couldn’t even swallow one bite. I tried to salvage the shrimp from the soup part of it but the shrimp were already contaminated with the terrible flavor.  After we ate the egg, we let the rest go.”

but men who have just had their hearts broken will obliviously lap it down

because tears are the missing ingredient rendering the curry inedible without them.

and that is the legend of Kang Som Cha-om Khai.