you know how people say they get a metallic taste in their mouth right before they have a heart attack?
ok everywhere i go, even when i went to Vegas, i kept smelling bacon.
i know its 9:40am, but even right now I SMELL BACON!
i hardly ever smelled bacon when i was employed!
which makes me think: no job, no responsibilities, so much damn time on my hands i even have time to check my Spam folder
and now i continually smell the most delightful aroma
so, like, am i in Heaven? have i died and ascended to Paradise?
was my meeting with HR really Judgement Day?
if so, can i actually EAT the bacon I smell?
Do I need a wristband or something first?
So. Very. Confused.
its hard not to put things in extreme black n white boxes
even though the older i get i see so many shades of gray.
still i keep thinking my decisions should be broken down into
are you selling out or not?
are you being courageous or not?
and, are you doing this for art or money?
are you seriously helping people or lining other peoples pockets?
money slips away faster than your chances with a hot stranger at a swanky bar in the middle of the night.
but art they’ll never be able to snatch away from you.
(unless you own that museum in Art of the Steal)
we know we should be making art. those of us who like those things.
we know god gave us guts for a reason.
and we know theres no glory in taking the easy way out.
so why arent we diving head first into The Hard Stuff like so many others are?
why do we allow ourselves to get trapped into chasing the shiny red herring?
dumbest thing i did last year was buy this fast car in november. it was dumb because thats now the biggest responsibility i have.
without that nut, and the insurance that goes with it, i could pretty much do any job i wanted right now, including anything.
including being a bartender. in mass. or maui.
id be free. truly free. because yes freedom includes what you do from 9-5. not just which diet pop you’re guzzling next.
also that car is not practical. as in, i couldnt really drive it around the country like i was able to drive my old beater that got 2x the gas mileage this guy gets.
so im paying for something that isnt really all that useful (except for having dudes tip their cap and teen girls wink).
during Twittergate, some of the documents revealed that the boys broke down many business contacts into boxes of Distractions or Valueable
or something like that.
that way they could identify hurdles and completely avoid them if it meant spending more time on things that could quickly grow Twitter.
this old gen x voice keeps asking me with each new opportunity: will you be making art or making money.
will you be saving the world?
with no kids, no wife, no mortgage and only a hot rod holding me back,
if this aint the time to be making art and or making a difference out there i have no business calling myself an artist.
meanwhile, we all should be making art. while rendering unto caesar whats caesars.
because our mommas didnt go thru labor to produce sellout half-assed mediocrity.
when they saw us, they thought we’d be so special.
so for just a little while, lets be so fucking special.