you always learn a little more about the USA when you travel abroad

and usually it’s not good.

for example, most americans believe that anyone who doesnt live in america omg totally would do anything to become americans.

first off, who the hell are we to even call ourselves “americans”. south americans dont call themselves that, central americans dont either, and our fellow north americans – the canadians – sure as hell dont have the gall neither.

so the first thing i learned recently here in the great white north is that to be an “american” implies having a certain sense of arrogance from the word go.

not sure how we fix that, but perhaps we can begin by acknowledging it.

one thing that made me really embarrassed today was seeing our American embassy here in Canadas capital city of Ottawa.

everyone else from the Saudis to the Kuwaitis to the British have perfectly fine embassies that mind their own business. but the American one, after 9/11, now has all these huge barriers around it. they even went so far as to abscond two lanes of street so no one could park or drive too close to it.

the home of the brave, even in canada, has turned super dooper paranoid.

frankly, it’s embarrassing.

this is a country where the ambassador’s residence overlooks some of the most beautiful real estate in the whole city and where american flags fly any time someone bigtime visits this beautiful town.

and yet the one place that is actual american soil is barricaded and looks like a cold, sad prison.

people in canada play american football, there are baseball diamonds everywhere, and our influence can be seen block after block after block.

one block id like to see changed is the one around our embassy, and soon, because if you were here and if you were from the States you would probably feel just as crappy about it as i do.

its friday it must be poutine time

after i gave the cix some reverse psychology to the groin i skipped merrily down Jack Layton blvd to a truck claiming to be the Best poutine, so i had to check it oooot for my breakfast slash lunch

for some reason i wasnt expecting nice asian people to serve me the ‘tine but hi there they were.

men and ladies were ordering poutine with hot dogs or poutine a la carte.

but one thing i liked was they offered Coke or Pepsi.

the man told me “coke is for Ontarians and Pepsi is for the Quebecois”

Best Poutine was pretty good, super melty cheese and very very fast service.

but the best part about the experience?

when we walked into the bank where i was to make a “withdrawal” i noticed that i was at a Butt Stop

i couldnt stop LOLing, butt i did long enough to pose for this photographe

ok now to walk around and say hi to the london bridges which keep falling down

cuz fergie etc.

canadas xbi is called the cix – they roughed me up this morning

 

so i had to visit a canadian doctor who wouldnt ask too many questions and who could fix me in 5 minutes

so that i could exact revenge.

as that is my middle name.

tony revenge busblog degrassi pierce iii

so i went online and O M G look at frickin CANADAS HEALTH CARE, AMERICANS

not only is errrything free, but you can see which doc is taking Friday off, which doc is busy

and which doc only has a FIVE MINUTE WAIT!!!

needless to say i am repaired, refreshed, they even tested me for sexual diseases (passed with flying colours, natch)

and now i can go back ooot into the world ready to eat some poutine and see what there is to see

so what have we learned?

a) Obamacare isn’t NEARLY agressive enough

b) people who talk trash about socialized medicine should seriously just jet up across the border and omg TRY IT

c) im staying here forever

kthnxbi