in two days i fly back to hollywood and the people will ask what have i learnt

bieber fever

there are two ways to answer such questions.

the first way is to have a pat, generic response with a tad bit of insight that errryone can relate to.

the other way is to really reach down and attempt to pull some deep nugget out that just may blow their minds.

obviously this trip was way more than eating poutine in fast food joints and speaking bad french.

poutine and a 6 piece of mcnuggetsit was a little deeper than realizing that priceline dot com is a godsend to the frugal traveler who doesnt mind doing a wee bit of work to crash in four star establishments for a couple bucks more than what people pay at the super 8.

world travelers all know that most of the people around the globe, when youre vacationing are typically pretty swell.

so when the good people of canada were kind, warm, and at times wonderful these last few weeks, that came as no surprise.

we all know the xbi are a bunch of jerkoffs who have their priorities all wrong so that too is nothing new.

therefore what can i tell my brothers and sisters of this wild, weird, and totally spontaneous journey?

how about this: i feel completely lucky to have had it, a tad unworthy that it happened to me, and entirely grateful to have met the super cool people that i got to say hi to and tres enriched to have experienced this part of canada with someone as special and unique as the boss’s daughter

speaking of her, we had a fascinating discussion at this all u can eat sushi hut last night and i dont know if she loves me or hates me or will kill me in my sleep tonight at the request of the xbi,


or whatever organization she’s really secretly part of – or heading.

i cant say i would blame her no matter what she thinks or does, but if tragedy strikes and i never set foot again in the usa, i loved you all and please sprinkle my ashes in the bleachers of wrigley field.

if you do want to do something in honor of my doomed soul, how about we start with this; please petition hotels these two favours on my behalf:

1. do not charge your guests more than $5 a night for the honor of parking their vehicles on your properties. of course real estate is valuable and these are tough times yada yada yada, but you are being ridiculous and extremely tacky when you charge $150 for a room and $25 to park a car overnight in your facility. this behavior may look good on your bottom line but it wont impress st. peter or your mother. knock it off.

2. do not charge your guests more than $5 a night for the privilege of accessing your wifi. in the two weeks that i traveled around canada i was hit up between $12 and $19 a day for internet access. and rarely was that access blazing fast. its sad enough that you have the gall to put a $4 price tag on a small bottle of water, stop with the greediness or people will resort to going back to stealing your towels and calling immigration on you for your undocumented workers.

just charge us properly for the room and stop nickel and diming us for the normal things that normal people obviously use.

thank you.

its 2:15am here in canada. tomorrow i spend my last day of vacation here in this town that mostly speaks french and i love it.

i start a new job on monday and i have no clue who is in the playoffs, whats been going on in politics, or what groovy new tunes top 40 radio thinks the kids wanna dance to.

but i do have some cool new stories to tell and a bunch of clean fresh socks i just picked up at h&m.

i plan on downing some more poutine, watching a little hockey with the locals, and organizing my pictures on flickr.

thanks to everyone who said nice things about the photo essays and gave me tips on what to do and see. this was so awesome i cant even believe it.

now i know why justin bieber is so proud to call canada his home.

as you know, j’ adore crazy ass signs telling you not to do things

no to errything except hospital shirts

ok i can understand not wanting people to use old school motorola flip phones in church

and i know they prob dont want you to smoke

or ROLLERBLADE up in the chapel

or have white dudes wear baseball caps

but i sorta like dogs who can sit when you tell em to sit

but the one thing theyre cool with is people wearing hospital shirts?

maybe its a french canadian thing.