five years ago i had so much more hair

on sunset blvd

i still had a bike i never used in my kitchen.

i didnt have a macbook, an xbox, or a bright future in sales.

but i had you.

and you were the wind beneath my wings.

but today a very nice man turned the channel on one of the tvs away from cnbc

and over to aretha franklin, the queen of soul, singing the national anthem before the tigers rangers game

in the motor city.

aretha probably shoulda worn a dress instead of the tight tshirt

but when youre the queen and you can sing like she can, you can wear and do anything you want.

its common law.

so we all stood around the tv and watched a legend close her eyes and belt it out of the park.

the chills were contagious.

there was this baby who used to hang out at the xbi

kid cried a lot, couldnt walk

but had super crazy esp skills

whats goin on baby?


totally bilingual.

and a baby.

people would see him, project normal baby things on him, but usually at some point realize that bro was a curiously serious guy youd swear was trying to read your mind.

why dont you run around?

dont feel like it.

whattya feel like doing?

pooping in this bunny suit.

at some point someone complained about the baby “creeping” them out at the office.

it is a high stress office.

and dangerous, technically.

so soon he was back out on the streets,

where we found him.


almost every day theres free food here

cupcakes for days

and its good food. food i’d eat.

like cupcakes

or croissants.

other day someone came in with a bunch of blueberry muffins

where the blue berries were so ripe they were purple.

in arizona they have these cacti that catch air and “jump” on people passing by

which is a way for those plants to travel short (or sometimes long) distances

and thus spread easier.

this super ripe purple muffin leapt out at me the other day

carrying its muffin with it

right into my gaping maw.

and i brought it home to hollywood.

where it belongs.