are we only happy when we’re in turmoil?


today hugh macleod raises an interesting point, that many of us only feel comfortable when we are stressed out

happiness does freak me out sometimes, which is why i try to practice at it

but i do see myself sabotaging relationships for the dumbest reasons: to see if it can withstand things, to see if i can take it down from the high highs and back down to the more comfortable lows, etc

am i afraid i will burn my wings if i get too close to the sun?

i think people like frustration is because we seem built to solve problems better than we are to appreciate joy – and build on it.

meanwhile we all know that suffering should not be the norm

but we rarely embrace love without feeling dumb or embarrassed or braggadocios.

i guess we are doomed.

or am i wrong?

the birthday celebrations continued last night

kit kat ice cream at kanpai

karisa was busy during my birthday weekend so she invited me to dinner, her treat

where would you like to go she asked?

anywhere, i dont care. who cares. i was sad for different reasons than aging.

if you could go anywhere where would you go? she asked.

i said i dont care. gimme steak. gimme soul food.

how about vegan soul food she asked trying to help me be a healthier man. but on my birthday i dont wanna be healthy. i wanna be reckless. i wanna be anything but healthy.

so we decided on italian in marina del rey.

but anyone who knows me knows that i am one to easily change his mind, and when i do make an audible, it usually ends up being a safe one to something i love.

thus Kanpai, the greatest sushi place in the world, and maybe the universe.

last time i was there, saturday, my man Peter wasnt there, so the lights were not turned off, and a big hub bub was not made.

but last night Peter was there and Karisa whispered in his ear and in a few minutes the lights were off and Peter said “one of our regular customers, Tony is here to celebrate his birthday…”

it was so sweet. then someone asked, “what makes him a regular?”

and peter said, he comes here every week, sometimes more.

which is so true, cuz its so good, and they are so nice.

its a little sad i need to freelance as an undercover xbi agent once in a while to pay off my kanpai tabs, but its totally worth it.

so thank you karisa, and thank you peter and denny and errryone at kanpai for the very very nice evening last night.