nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, November 30, 2011

    omg today is Danielle’s birthday 

    omg danielle is having her 24th birthday in the nude

    and omg today she texted me to let me know, but who the hell doesnt know its her special day???

    so i called her back immediately and was all happy birthday happy birthday

    and she was all thanks thanks thanks

    and then she told me the best news i had heard all day

    danielle after many many many failed attempts has found a boyfriend!

    youd think someone as fun and beautiful and funny as danielle should have men lining around the block

    but little known fact about san dieger, where she lives, unfortch, is that its a sorta horrible place

    particularly bad if you are a blonde bombshell with some smarts and a penchant for french films, european tennis, and long walks on the beach ending in hackey sack and white zin

    apparently the san diegan fellas either want to date evil vixens or bubbly brain deads

    but cupid finally found a great guy for our girl and you could hear her beaming over the phone

    which is pretty much the best thing evar.

    so happy birthday Danielle! so glad that things are going better down there!

    now get him to move you back to LA and all will be well!

  2. the answer to your future is in yr heart 

    24th street art

    one of the nice things about being a gazillion years old is you can see how things change

    not just how things have changed over a few years or even ten years

    but how things have changed over decades and decades and decades

    i first visited san francisco when i was 15 years old and i soaked it all in cuz it was weird and wild and wonderful

    last weekend i visited it again with older eyes and i always notice whats new and whats been replaced and what has been improved on and what has been left alone

    24th streethardly anything is ever left alone. ever.

    life isnt like that.

    even the mountains get effed with by the wind and the water and other mountains

    and if you are an optimist and if you project sweet things on things you dont know, you can pretend that the things that get effed with get effed for nice reasons and those things are improved upon.

    but if you are a pessimist and see sad and ugly things, you’ll probably see change as something that has deteriorated perfect things.

    the last time i lived in san francisco i had a lot of great things: a beautiful girlfriend, a perfectly situated and fully-stocked apartment, three jobs, dozens of close friends, even a garage. yet i felt something was missing. so i left.

    i call The City “frisco” as a diss. but a funny diss. a sweet diss. in truth i love the bay area as so much happened to me there that shaped who i am today. i know the good people of san francisco dont like it being called frisco or san fran or SF. but i dont care. in fact i think they should be teased for being so particular.

    theyre proud of their city and they should be. theres diversity, and flavor, and swag, and color, and great food, and crazy views, and really sweet people.

    they do lack some vital things to me: namely a world-changing music scene, and tropical weather.

    likewise theres one thing that i prefer in LA that i still think SF lacks – and energy that sings to me.

    with that said, i appreciate the changes i saw in the Mission and in Lower Haight. yes a pessimist might call it gentrification, but someone like me, an optimist, sees it and welcomes the improvements. the lack of urine and filth on 16th and mission is an upgrade. trying to find a homeless person to give leftovers to on Fillmore at 10am and not being able to see anyone, to me, is a positive thing.

    and the creative street art blanketing the walls and buildings along 24th st. rivals any of the beauty seen in the more wealthy areas of the city by the bay.

    and i applaud it.

  3. yes they named a street after me in frisco 

    pierce ave in san francisco

    no big deal

    but the funniest thing that happened was we were right by the painted ladies

    which is super picturesque

    painted ladies in san francisco

    families go out there to take super cute pics of their super cute kids

    but not every kid wants to sit out there and sit still forever

    crying kids

    and their howls could be heard all up and down the hill

    pretty classic

  4. Tuesday, November 29, 2011

    on my way to UCLA to interview to be their new football coach 

    hotel frank

    college football doesnt interest me much,

    which is probs why UCLA called me last night as i was driving through Bakersfield

    yo busblog wanna coach our football team?

    hmmm? can i keep my job at KPCC?

    sure why not?

    so in an hour i’ll be in Westwood, so keep an eye out Bruins

    mark johnson at Brendas

    before i jet, two shoutouts are necessary

    the first goes out to the xbi handbook that recommended Hotel Frank in SF – classy, sweet, and reasonable

    on top you’ll see the view from our bed.

    the other goes out to Mr Mark Johnson who met us for breakfast at Brenda’s on Polk.

    its a 3 yr old soul food place. great benigets (pictured)

    and i had this grits with cheese and shrimp omg omg

    go! eat! sleep!

  5. Monday, November 28, 2011

    frisco didnt disappoint 

    union square ice rink

    twas pretty at night, twas pretty in the day

    raiders bears

    had pretty good seats to the raiders bears game

    my two favorite teams. and one of them one in a close game

    even got to spends some time on the porch of my former Haight Street home

    thanks for representing Raiders fans

    etienne raiders

    and good job Bears fans for being there in big numbers too

    rock on rockers!

  6. Sunday, November 27, 2011
  7. Saturday, November 26, 2011

    know who’s birthday it is? 

    my sister!

    most people are all, omg you have a sister?

    im all, omg YES

    theyre usually like what does she do?

    im all, if you only knew! its historic. it’s amazing. its nearly impossible.

    but two of the best things shes done in the last 10 years was deliver unto the world

    my sweet niece and nephew.

    she also keeps my mom from being bored.

    she also adopts animals and little black babies.

    yeah, shes pretty much the polar opposite as me, in that instead of being selfish like moi

    she gives herself and her home to the world.

    it’s ridic a bit. and somehow shes going to spend her first Christmas in LA in years.

    very excited about that.

    so happy birthday Angie – cant wait to see you and the little ones next month!

  8. know who im thankful for? 

    banksy in frisco


    he painted something cool on a wall in Chinatown

    so jeanine said, you should go see it.

    “they put plastic over it so no one would ruin it.”

    so i drove up to Isla Vista since i had some days off and i picked her up and here we are in frisco

    madonna inn

    but on the way we stopped by the Madonna Inn, a place id never been inn for some reasinn

    pinnk as hell

    but not annoyinn

    decided if i ever got married itd be there, so save up cuz they have over 100 rooms

    and theyre all different. but they cost at least 200 bones each

    and i aint payin, cuz i gotta get bands to show up at the madonna inn to rock

    bed in frisco

    speaking of rocking, jeaninn has an inn to some raiders tickets tomorrow

    so we’re hoping that comes through.

    make a wish!

  9. Friday, November 25, 2011
  10. Thursday, November 24, 2011