nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, November 18, 2011

    i suppose this is where Grand Theft Auto has led us to 

    And although it hurts me to see humankind treated so badly

    And although it doesnt seem like much of a “game” to walk around and kill stuff with seemingly no challenge

    And although the weapons and vehicles seem too good to be true

    And we won’t talk about the disrespectful portrayal of women

    theres a small chance i may end up putting this on my GameFly queue

  2. my mom gets nervous when i dont blog early in the morn 


    she doesnt like to think that her son is part of an undercover superhero group called the xbi

    who steals from the thieves and gives to themselves

    and flies around the city of angels protecting it (and causing problems)

    so an agreement has been made that as long as the busblog is being updated then she knows alls good in the hood.

    so at 2:45pm pacific standard time there was a text message into Chopper One

    “just letting you know i know you’re ok, but whats up with the busblog?”

    which is mom code for “hi im worrying.”

    strangely at that point she should have been worrying.

    but thanks to some amazing technology that may or may not have been soviet based and ridiculously illegal, her son is now back on the ground and taking pictures of the wealthy who are closing the top of their luxury car

    while waiting for the light to change.

    love ya mom. Go Bears!

  3. Thursday, November 17, 2011

    totally thrilled to be working with Tami, formerly of the LA Times 


    Tami and I worked together for a few years at the paper. Heres the letter I wrote yesterday to the staff:

    It is my great pleasure to welcome my former Los Angeles Times colleague Tami Abdollah to KPCC as our new Education blogger.

    Tami is native Angeleno and an excellent product of California public school system. A graduate of Beverly Hills High and UC Berkley, the only formal schooling that she had outside of the Golden State was a brief stint at The Sorbonne.

    Tami was staff writer for the Los Angeles Times for three years, covering a wide variety of topics, but she left the paper in late 2009 when she saw an opportunity to be a Reporting Officer in Baghdad, Iraq. She worked in Baghdad for almost a year until she returned to LA, but first she spent a short stint in New Zealand writing about some trapped miners there.

    Besides the Times, Tami has freelanced for The Wall Street Journal (while in Belgium and France), The Daily Beast, and also worked for a short while in Oregon at The Associated Press.

    When she was a student at UC Berkeley, Tami wrote for the independent student newspaper, The Daily Californian, and covered the Berkeley Unified School District. She graduated Summa cum laude, Phi Beta Kappa. She was a Regents’ and Chancellor’s Scholar, and an IBM Thomas J. Watson Scholar. She wrote her Honors thesis on medieval Merlin. So be careful if you think you can cast a spell on her.

    Seemingly always active and always trying to help, Tami has participated in post-Katrina relief work rebuilding roofs in Biloxi, Mississippi a few months after the hurricane hit. She helped rebuild Indian reservation areas destroyed by flooding in New Mexico. And she interned in a psychiatric ward for adults and geriatrics.

    She enjoys rock climbing, cycling, skiing, and martial arts. She studied piano for 14 years and received the highest scores and honors in the music and theory exam by the Music Teachers Association of California and Trinity College of London.

    But education is where she feels the nexus of where her talents as a journalist meet.

    “Probably no other beat is as much an intersection of areas as education,” Tami wrote while applying for this position. “It affects everything and everyone. With unemployment rates at their current levels and job prospects for college graduates at continuing lows, there are some critical questions that must be answered within the education world today. If college is not necessarily the most useful destination for young people now, how do teaching methods and goals need to change? How are students reacting to these changes, and what are their thoughts about the future? That is just one of the many issues I hope I have the opportunity to examine as an education reporter at KPCC.”

    Tami speaks French as well as Hebrew (reading, writing, shuk conversation), Farsi (reading, writing and basic conversation), and Arabic (reading, writing, beginning conversation). For fun she is also familiar with Mandarin, Spanish, and Japanese.

    It may be dull to her, but here we prefer she writes in English for the time being.

    Please join me in welcoming her tomorrow.

    Tony Pierce
    Blog Editor

    And then Fishbowl LA was nice enough to write up her hiring too. Great day all around.

  4. id have kids only under a few circumstances 

    bunk beds

    1. theyd be triplets.

    2. theyd have to be super funny.

    3. they sport adorable hats.

    4. they had great british accents.

    5. someone was paying me.

    but seriously id be a terrible father. i would treat them like servants.

    id probably tip them. bring daddy your tip jar. thank you.

    itd probably look a lot like how trainers in wet suits at sea world always have a small bucket of fish ready for the dolphins.

    expect me to whistle and make little smacks out the side of my mouth.

    they’ll most likely kill me in my sleep.

    and bury me in a hole topped with those hats.

  5. Wednesday, November 16, 2011

    i love jack in the box and mcdonalds. like, a lot. 

    jack in the box is open

    and i especially like that they really seem to do whatever they can to please me.

    but they dont need to work their people on thanksgiving.

    i can handle it.

    yes i will miss not having a mcrib at lunch

    yes i will miss not having two tacos at midnight.

    but i will survive.

    please let your people enjoy their little holiday where we celebrate

    being thankful

    lets really be thankful, the way americans should be thankful

    which, i hate to break it to you, and i am fast food’s numero uno fan-o,

    but the best way to be thankful on thanksgiving is not at mcdonalds

    or jack in the box.

    its in front of a tv, drinking bad american lite beer

    in our underwear

    and passing out of boredom.

    its not just a normal thursday.

    its take a break driver eight day.

  6. ken layne has a posse 

    ken layne has a posse

    im a lucky man.

    i have a good job. i have good health. i have great friends.

    and i live in a climate where i rarely need to turn on a fan or a space heater.

    but maybe the best blessing that i have is that i was touched by the healing hands of Ken Layne.

    no, not in any pervy way that joe paterno should alert the authorities about,

    but in a sweet, magical, odd way.

    a long long time ago before many of you were even in high school, i shared a victorian home in the haight with some now powerful and influential gentlemen

    mr charlie hornberger, mr dan hilldale, mr don frances, mr mike hickey

    and mr ken layne and i all lived under the same roof.

    we had one bathroom and several computers – and one very spotty ISDN line.

    the year was 1879 and the internet had barely any peachfuzz on its scruff.

    mr layne was way ahead of any of us with a website condemning the atrocities in a weird place called Iraq.

    the site was called Tabloid and even though it doesnt exist in any serious way on the web it was the blueprint by which many of us went on to (very little-)fame and (not much-) fortune.

    the other day we were wishing charlie and bonnie farewell as they take an around the world cruise and i spotted a child’s drawing of their uncle Ken.

    it made me so happy i paused a moment before i hunted for a beer bottle opener for my IPA.

    anyways, ken now runs Wonkette which is the natural progression of Tabloid where our hero writes about the political atrocities of a weird place called Jesusland.

    god bless mr layne. just sayin.

  7. Tuesday, November 15, 2011

    my niece loves magic johnson so much she wears his number 

    magic was 32kylas all right. shes on the basketball team.

    my nephew is on another team.

    because they dont have blogs im forced to rely solely on information trickled out of my moms iphone.

    but apparently kyla is mastering the sky hook,

    a shot even the children understand is unstoppable.

    when i was a lad i was pretty good at mastering the stoppable shots.

    i also fiddled around with the easy-to-steal dribble.

    kids today understand about percentages.

    they grew up with wii.

    they’ll never have carpal tunnel.

    they *will* have jetpacks, robots, and virtual reality.

    i bet they have those things before people put music videos back on tv.

    it’ll take the future of america to put videos back on tv.

    funny what your generation is needed for.

    fortunately mine was created to eat McRibs.

    heres what i want my neice’s generation to give the world besides a return to solid music videomaking:

    1. metric clocks

    2. the end of world hunger

    3. the ridicule and eventual extinction of the phony baloney.

  8. Monday, November 14, 2011

    today is gregg hartling’s birthday, he’s 24 

    gregg and his lovely bride gregg is the reason you like the way the busblog looks

    gregg is the reason you like the way this blog performs

    gregg is the reason when you click the magnifying glass a blimp appears.

    he hand-drew everything you see here. he hand-coded everything else.

    about this time last year i decided that i wanted to switch the nearly decade-old busblog from Blogger to WordPress.

    i wanted to do it for several reasons, one of which was because i wanted to show people at the LA Times what a real wordpress blog could look and act like.

    gregg had worked at the times with me back in the good old days and he was a longtime reader of the busblog even before we had met. thus he was the perfect man for the job.

    getting thousands of posts from blogger to wordpress wasnt easy, and making that little twitter bird was also not so simple, but gregg did it, on budget, and it launched exactly when i wanted it to: during halftime of last years super bowl.

    gregg and his beautiful bride (pictured) are now in costa rica, guatemala, or mexico city or somewhere south of the border, but he is still available to make your blog and/or website as killer as this one is. you can reach him at Incredibly Lifelike.

    i am very grateful to know him and to have worked with him and i wish him a delightful 24th birthday. ole!

  9. Sunday, November 13, 2011

    why does the limited run mcrib come out when it does? 

    apparently it all has to do with the delicious law of supply and demand

    who knew?

    all i know is ive had at least one mcrib a week

    and i know its nice to be able to say YES when the person in the drive thru box mumbles, “welcome to mcdonalds would you like to try the blah blah blah”?

    lately ive been alternating between

    F YES

    and OH HELL YES.

    the minimum wagers, of whom i used to be one of, seem to enjoy it.

    bon appetite!