will i tell my kids about santa claus?

santa in pasadena

of course.

but i will feel bad about it.

sure i want to lie to my kids about certain things, like do i really love them, etc.

but why would i want them to think that just because it is the depths of winter that some fat white dude is gonna come down our chimney (?) to give them gifts that their mommy and daddy either

a) are too broke to buy on their own
b) or are too selfish to fork over themselves

plus what did those kids do so special that ive gotta put together bicycles
wrap endless presents
and fill my house with artificially happy things.

excuse me while i spend my time telling them about the miracle of Jesus

which, yes, will bore them to no end

and they will be super resentful, and maybe even hate Jesus, if they dont get gifts

but if the worst thing that happens is i raise a brood of haters, so be it.

haters gotta hate. etc.

plus something tells me that whoever the lucky lady is who becomes my betrothed

she’ll figure out a way to get the little peckers some swag.

only reason im glad we’re heading the corner towards christmas is

now i’ll be able to easily find some replacement christmas lights for the crib