jeanine recalls the first time the xbi poisoned me too much

most people dont know, but the first time i tried to opt out of the xbi they tried to kill me.

turned out my gut was weak but oddly indestructible. months and months and years and years of creative poisons had made my stomach incapable of  eating an entire slice of pizza but impossible to wreck.

so some genius decided to poison me to death soon after i graduated from ucsb. jeanine was my girlfriend at the time and today recounts the holiday they chose to do away with their former number one draft pick:

Anyway, Tony n’ me woke up early Thanksgiving Day stoked to be here in IV together, and we did have a feast in the works!


Suddenly, Tony was soon overcome by horrible, horrible pains. Curled up like a crushed up monkey, and so so hurting! Neither one of us knew what was happening!

i felt like i had to fart. but i couldnt fart. the pain was horrible and i was embarrassed to go to the hospital because i thought, one good rip and i’ll be fine. but nothing came out. jeanine said lets go to the doctor and i said no because i knew it was just a terrible terrible fart.

little did i know how low the xbi would go.

So, anyway – Thanksgiving morning, Tony is literally writhing in pain. I’ve got to get him to the hospital, because honestly, I’m terrified he’s dying. So, I called [my old boss] Dr. Parker in a panic, and he said to go ahead and come on down to the hospital, and he’d meet us there and see what’s going on.

Turned out, Tony had kidney stones – who knew such tiny little things could cause so much pain!!!!! We spent most of the day in the hospital, and finally got home later that afternoon.

Dr. Parker totally helped us out – no charge at all – and made sure we were all okay, and sent us home with all the proper instructions and meds. Much later, we were finally much better and had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day Feast!

sweet Jeanine. dr. parker knew what it was. the xbi knew what it was.

it wasnt no kidney stones.

by Christmas i was back in the xbi.

thats the bad news.

the good news was they wanted to teach me

how to never feel pain again.


stay in bed

there are trends that probably should get people concerned, but nah.

i get these emails from the Parents Television Nation, i think its called.

they go on and on about programs that are on television,

and why they are horrible because they contain sexual content and the like.

they try to encourage me and others on the email list to make phone calls to people

so the tv shows will get cancelled.

sometimes theres an image of a child in the email.

do it for the kids, they’re saying, basically.

often i feel like writing back and ask, are you serious?

are you truly freaked out by what’s on tv and what kids may see

and not at all freaked out by, you know,

guns n stuff?

in real life

all around us


i have a book at home with your pictures in it


not in a creepy way, its for art.

i flip through it every now and then for inspiration.

youd never guess whos in it.

maybe you would.

fine, its you.

for serious.

i dont know what it is but i cant stop looking at them.

all of them.

you look so different in every one.

i wonder if youd wanna know that ive got this book.

i wonder about lots of things.

i wonder why i wont eat onion rings,

yet i love Funyons.

Mr. Brainwash on La Brea


because i am covering some vacationers over the holidays, i come into work at 6am, but leave around 2:30pm

thats the bad news, the good news is i am able to do fun things like take in the Mr. Brainwash exhibit on La Brea.

i saw the Exit Thru the Gift Shop film which was cool and all, but it made me sorta hate Terry, the artist

not personally, personally he seems like a funny, sweet dad who figured out a way to turn the art world in LA inside out.

i hate him because in doing that he, in my opinion, diminishes actual artists like Warhol, Banksy, and Shepard Fairey.

being in his 5-story sprawling building yesterday afternoon didn’t change my opinion.

some of the pieces are really good, but most felt like discarded ideas from true artists vomited all over the walls and floors.

too much of a bad thing.

anyways, i will have more photos later so you can be the judge since art is in the eye of the beholder.