there was a time that i had to shack up on the north pole
with a sexy xbi partner not because i felt she was my soulmate
but because it was hella cold.

after a while we were transferred to hawaii
and i said, baby yr mean to me a lot. im out.

and because i was finally free i was able to see
the big picture.

simultaneously, as i said, i was also in the xbi
and we had this device that allowed us to see

someones emails, someones text messages, someones keystrokes

and we could also read peoples minds.

at this point i should explain that when i learned to read peoples minds
i finally started believing in God, big time
because i thought, oh there must be a God
because He knew better than to let humans have this power
because lies
even white lies
are so much better than 100% truth.

the truth is she doesnt love you that much.
the truth is she loves someone with a stupid name
who wouldnt put up with her the way you would.

in fact, she may not love you at all.
it may just be cold out there.

in hawaii shed dump you.

darth has questions for me

darth vader at Fry's

but rarely do i have answers.

usually i ask things like hey arent you dead? didnt you die in episode 3?

and he breathes and says do i look dead?

to be honest i dont even remember how episode 3 ended.

when i was a kid i saw episode 1. i was 10. maybe 9.

the commercials didnt entice me. neither did the reviews.

“a new type of Cowboys and Indians” they hyped it as, but f cowboys and indians.

because of that i have learned to ignore commercials and reviews

and i try to see movies before i hear even one peep about it.

cuz i freaking loved star wars when it was new and i was 9.