today is karisa’s birthday

karisa you dont even wanna know.

first time we ever hung out there was snow in the fabulous forum.

and due to the things we did there, she nearly died in the middle of the night.

secret agents dont die though, they rock on.

until the break of dawn.

karisa j allin was born in chicopee massachusetts the east coast test grounds of the xbi.

she was flown to long beach california “coincidentally” at the same time that yours truly had sold his personal property and moved to LA from the mission district of san francisco

on a mission from God.

indeed i left everything that was good in my life to obey the bible, for it was written three times in the parable of the Rich Prince. “sell everything and follow me”, Jesus dared a character in the gospel.

i made my way to mexico and later westwood where i landed the first low-paying job that would have me. six months later i’d meet todays birthday girl who at first turned down our company’s offer, but whom i persuaded via telephone that she should reconsider. the year was 1999.

never has sales training paid off so well for not just mankind, but also for the Internet.

karisa is not a public person. like many tauruses, much in her life is on the down low.

except when she parades around vegas in limos carrying red plastic cups.

even after karisa joined the start up i didnt think we’d be friends. other than love of the beastie boys, did we really have anything in common? she liked the american league, i thought the DH was an abomination. she read a book a week, i read a book a year. she enjoyed drinking baja fresh salsa, i participated in fantasy sports.

but one day a stray bullet ricochetted off a steel girder through karisas femur and into my collarbone and neither of us winced.

she said, youre bleeding. i said you worse. within minutes we realized we lacked the ability to feel pain, a special new xbi trait that we’d never seen fully realized in anyone else.

so we tried to strangle each other to truly test it out (failed)

then we tried to get each other drunk (failed)

then we decided to be friends forever


happy birthday secret agent to the stars.