1. Sunday, May 20, 2012

    thirty minute church 

    is life good when i was in vegas an angel appeared to me

    and began speaking in tongues.

    at first i thought it was to celebrate david byrne’s 60th birthday but the holy ghost dont play.

    so i listened. carefully.

    ive been visited a few times in my long life and every time the themes are the same:

    1) who’s that girl 2) stop doing dumb stuff 3) spread the word

    so me and the angel started brainstorming number three because come on baby

    the angel kept saying you need to build a hipster church and i was all f hipsters

    which at first made the angel frown

    but then she cracked a smile and gave me a low five.

    then i said lets talk about all the reasons good people dont go to church

    its boring, its phony baloney, it makes some people feel bad, you gotta dress up, the music sucks, the dudes on stage are cruddy, no one keeps it real, it doesnt apply to real life, and its too long.

    so i was all, what if we made a church called 30 minute church?

    angel was like, go on…

    and it started off with some kick ass gospel

    loud as hell

    (heavens loud too the angel alerted me)

    and the music is beautiful and powerful and it lets the whole block know theres some damn church goin on right hurrr.

    and then something surprising happens for 6 minutes. not a preacher. not me. not a little kid struggling to remember what he was opposed to say. but something very cool.

    now theres 20 minutes left. and you know the last 5 minutes is more awesome music. like maybe green day is setting up. or rihanna unplugged. something. so you really only have 15 minutes.

    most people cant stand more than 5 minutes of bible reading, so maybe right after the super cool six, theres 4 minutes and 20 seconds of bible reading.

    but done right.

    plenty of actors struggling in LA and comedians. one of them gets a shot at 30 minute church every sunday. right after the awesome. 4 minutes of the bible presented perfectly.

    so now theres nine minutes. half goes to Question Time. theres a monk and a rabbi and a lady bible expert.

    clergy gets to ask questions. and the panel has to answer them honestly or they dont get invited back next week.

    that goes on for 5 minutes. which means theres 4 minutes left. thats where i come in. i have a little Q & A with someone in front of everyone.

    we talk about spirituality. love. god. peace. the bible.

    in a real way.

    then i’ll say, and now, green day.