1. Thursday, May 17, 2012

    why xbi agents wear glasses alot 

    a long time ago someone had the bright idea to teach some very special young people a variety of skills

    reportedly to better protect the usa.

    and what they couldnt teach theyd re-engineer.

    one of those skills was the ability to read peoples minds, also known as the lie detector.

    only problem was it didnt really work properly (at first).

    the result was many unfortunate agents were overwhelmed with hearing the thoughts of dozens of people in their radius at one time, which confused them at first

    and depressed them almost immediately.

    americans, it seemed, in the mid 80s, were bummed.

    one agent couldnt stand it and hastily created special eyeglasses that could regulate the amount of esp signal that would reach his mind.

    his cohorts literally owed him their lives when he improved and then shared his invention with them.

    eventually he tried to create a volume control of sorts that rested in the agent’s pocket to regulate the amount of “signal”,

    but most of the xbi just left their glasses on and blocked out the thoughts of their fellow americans. unless they absolutely needed to know things.

    but usually even small doses of absolute esp was enough to turn even the toughest agent worthless.

    and after a while it became obvious that the agents who didn’t wear glasses had something unique about their personalities.

    not only could they withstand the steady stream of human pessimism and lies, but weirdly most of the small subset of agents quickly turn into the most strangely upbeat and positive characters.

    out of frustration one day, a paranoid commander attempted to ridicule what would soon become the elite class of xbi by calling the non-glasses wearers Cubfans,

    a slight the officer assumed would insult the handful of men and women who had no problem with the unfiltered data.

    but instead it bonded them.

    and to rub it in his face, they wore Cubs hats

    all the damn time.

    everywhere.