a look back at may 2012

may 1, xbi not only gives me playoff tickets, but access to the exclusive chairman’s room. only bummer, ive gotta rub shoulders with ashton kutcher.

may 2, junior seau’s mom cries, “Take me, take me, leave my son” after he killed himself.

Daniel Chong ate glass, drank urine, and took methamphetamine (that had been accidentally left in the jail cell) to survive. While hallucinating, he carved “Sorry Mom” into his arm with glass.

Magic Johnson’s first order of business as new Dodger owner? Cut the prices of parking down to just $10

may 3, michele bachmann is a politician

may 4, MCA dies. the entire world mourns.

may 5, saw the Avengers, was entertained for a few hours

may 7, still sad about MCA

may 8, the AL East is upside-down

may 9, president obama supports gay marriage, the bible pretty much does too

may 10, colin marshall interviews me for an hour. probably the best interview anyone has ever done with me.

may 11, karisa was all lets just go to vegas and get wasted at the pool for a few days. i reluctantly say fine.

may 12, did a quick favor for the xbi

may 14, bye poolside canadians

may 15, sometimes its good to make a list of wants

may 15, “i wanna mend your heart like drake”

may 16, robin quivers has been part of radio’s most successful show for decades. now she needs our prayers

may 17, the real reason xbi agents wear sunglasses a lot

may 18, kerry wood retires from baseball. we’re all officially old.

may 19, bet the paycheck on the nose of gray mare? why not. lifes fleeting.

may 20, Taco Bell talks to me on Twitter. i *am* somebody.

one year old tony
may 20, i invent the 30 minute church. for the kids.

may 21, truest and i see the last clipper game of the season (and get free tshirts)

may 22, im unanimously elected onto the LA Press Club board of directors (no free tshirt)

may 24, after many years i return to the softball field. terrible idea. lets talk about the Kings instead.

may 24, krista gets a pretty sweet gig on a huge tv show

may 25, star wars is 35 years old. kiss the girl in front of you.

may 26, Jesus was way cool

may 27, how i met your mother

may 28, montreal pots and pans protest gets bigger, deffer

may 30, what the lisa marie presley michael jackson tv sitcom should be called

may 31, why i should seek mental treatment