1. Tuesday, August 21, 2012

    good thing the doc made me take today off 

    dog shaming

    the meds make it impossible to make reasonable decisions.

    i sent like a hundred emails last night

    fortunately most were in a dream.

    the ones i did send in real life (thanks Sent folder of mystery) were bizarre at best.

    on the label of some of the pills it says “use care when operating a car or dangerous machines” it should also say

    INCLUDING THE DANGEROUS INTERNET MACHINE

    for example i really shouldnt be blogging. but here we are.

    xTx linked today to a cute/funny tumblr called Dog Shaming. funny, but pretty sure that dudes gonna go to hell for that.

    the lord loves dogs.

    have i mentioned im bored outta my gourd?

    i enjoy working. i enjoy being part of something thats growing, thats doing good.

    as pleasant as it may seem to be cooped up in a hollywood bungalow in the last weeks of summer

    believe it or not but id rather be at work doing stuff, instead im trying to roll over IRAs

    which also involves the dangerous internet machine but fortunately part of my brain is all

    lets not do this right now mr trump. thus im writing you. hi.

    in the comments someone said that they admire me because kidney stones are one of the most painful experiences known to man and often docs give you morphine for the pain.

    two things, xbi = feels no pain.

    and secondly, the first time i had it i cried. i cried on the car ride to the hospital.

    i cried in the goleta valley waiting room watching the beverly hillbillies because it took them an hour to get to me.

    and i cried when the stuck me with a thick needle of demoral, which i believe is a kissing cousin to morphine. ask wikipediatrician.

    the second time i cried again as i rode a bus down valencia in frisco and the bus stopped at every single stop exclusively picking up every old lady in the mission who took their sweet time getting on and off the bus as my world was exploding in misery.

    even in good health i have issues with patience. but when im irritated aka feeling like i have to pee at any second or that i have to let out a huge fart or that i cant breath (all symptoms of kidney stones) – i immediately hate everyone. which is weird because i usually love every one to the point that certain girls upon hearing me tell them i love them say whatevs you love everybody.

    not when you are in my way between this condition and seeing a doctor.

    sunday night was different. i had a lot to do on monday so i did everything i could in my bathroom to avoid walking two blocks to the nearest hospital because i didnt want that shot of demorol. i didnt want to miss work. i didnt want to lose to nature. and worse i didnt want to admit that my love of pop was effing with my sweet ass body.

    so i took some swigs of Red Breast. i sat on the toilet for hours convincing my brain that i didnt have to pee. i took two showers to convince my brain that i was clean and pure unlike how i was feeling inside.

    and even when i could push out a drop of urine it was like a victory

    which my brain said, tony are you kidding me, youre celebrating a drop? get the hell out of your house you moron.

    ironically that drop may have been the major stone because although the walk to the ER was uncomfortable and i almost turned around once to get earbuds for my iphone (cuz i knew i was going to spend a long time in the waiting room even though it was 1:30am) i was not in as much pain as i had been.

    and the only other time that night that i hated anyone was with the check in lady who – lets be honest – speaks better english than i do chinese, so who am i to judge.

    for as out of tune as i am with my body, friday there were warning signs. and saturday there was definitely a disturbance in the force. the tsar show was fantastic and driving home i felt on top of the world even tweeting “this is the best city in the world”.

    but soon everything was the opposite. and it stayed that way for a day.

    sundays bible reading was Galatians and it hit me across the face. it too talked about patience. basically saying that many of the things the xbi teaches (dont be reactionary, dont be a pouty bitch, dont ever get angry, jealousy is for losers, etc) is what paul was saying is gonna keep you outta heaven.

    but even more similarly, galatians was saying to strive for things of the spirit as opposed to the physical. which is tough for a libra because beauty inspires us way more than it should. but paul was whispering between the lines: focus on spiritual beauty then dummy.

    and then within hours i was experiencing the pitfalls of the physical.

    so i had another swig of whiskey and stumbled toward sunset.

    i should get off this machine.