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Monthly Archives: September 2012
great line from a bad movie that had two great performances
“I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher, but above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you.”
– lancaster dodd as played by phillip seymour hoffman in “the master”
dear tony, what do you do when people act a fool?
didnt you learn one thing from Destiny’s Child?
not everyones gonna be ready for your jelly
in fact some people might think yr a lil too bootylicious
or not enough bootylicious
also, some people cray.
so theres a few things you can do
you can get all omg omg wtf boo hoo about it
and you can let it ruin yr life, your day, your month
YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE OMG OMG
you can see if theres a learning lesson there for you
because who knows maybe you were too bootylicious about something
and you seriously effed up
however somehow i doubt it
or you can
move the
f
on.
the last thing
is the last thing
satan wants you to do, btw
he wants you to suffer
he wants you to obsess
he wants you to get off track
he wants you to think this is all there is
he wants you to think about it all the time
even at the most inappropriate times
aka the times you should be so happy
satan doesnt want you crazy in love
think about where youre at right now
think about the situation you wrote the world famous busblog abooot
if there were three paths,
one marked crazy in love
one marked boring as f
and the other just marked cray
which one would jay-z
not your bffs
not your inner circle
not even your priest
but which one would j say youre headed down
if you engage with person acting said fool
life can be beautiful
tranquil
rich
loving
sweet
magical
delicious
and truly omg.
so
let
it,
dummy
barack obama covers jay-z
i wish a prezza would
palm reader said ten bucks and i’ll let you read my palm
or twenty and i’ll read yours.
so i gave her ten and she unfurled her grizzled paw.
and it was all there
i saw what it was like when she was little.
i saw her fall in love in school.
i saw her do her thing in college.
and i saw her on a plane and it was going down
people were screaming, the cart was smashing peoples arms and feet
napkins were flying and papers and plastic cups and masks were swinging
she said ok thats enough and took her hand back.
and i really looked into her eyes this time
not just the bs hi howya doing
but the deep investigation
and she deep investigationed me right back herself
and said
what if this is the best its gonna get
not in like boo hoo
but in like
maybe youre seeing this
all wrong
and the monkey in the corner said
ever seen anything
all wrong b’fur
and then he ate his foot.
and a little fart of fire
quickly jetted out
of his little blue
swimtrunks
and i said why yes i have seen things
all wrong b-fer
and the head of the bear skin run said
yr seeing everything wrong.
and the monkey limped over to the lady
and took the money out of her bra strap
and waddled over to me
and put it back into my hand,
tipped his cap
and tooted
a lil flame.
carmageddon 2: back in the habit
people like to take pics in LA.
and by law you must be in your car at all times here.
thus we do our drivebys in a car
we smooch and wrestle in our cars
we read the constitution in our cars.
and of course we take pics of LA from our cars.
a ten mile stretch of one of our many freeways was closed today
and it will be closed tomorrow.
we call this Carmageddon 2 because omg the val and the wesside
NEED TO BE TRAVERSED AT ALL TIMES
los angelenos know when to stay off the roads for the most part.
mark twain wrote about life on the mississip
and how the steamboat pilots learned how to tell by the river
if there was danger in the shallow or if it was a smooth channel to sail.
people are just not taking their cars on the road this weekend
which has made the roads beautiful.
and has allowed many of the locals great opportunities to snap pics
from their cars.
andy sternberg is moving from echo park to venice
the rumors that his place was never as sexy as the moment he took this picture of me
appear to have been confirmed.
good luck on the wesssssside cub fan!
That was a week
maybe I’ll just brush my teeth and turn in early.
#never
krista’s brother made a gangam style video called Animal Style
because we all love In N Out, duh
lil wayne is my spirit guide
he has turned the american justice system on its badunkadunk
the threatens the prosecutor to his face on camera in front of the judge
HE DOES NOT EVEN RECALL GOING TO JAIL FOR 8 MONTHS
thats how gangsta he is.
you know that reggae guy Chingy? dudes names not Chingy
its Montgomery.
he has a monocle and an unironic ivory cane with a gold tip.
he pretends to be Chingy.
Lil Wayne is not pretending. Thats why he cant remember anything.
that’s why he psycic.
thats why girls love to dance to him.
thats why Nikki Minaj wants to be the female Weezey.
and thats why this video is going viral right now
because so many people are so phony baloney full of macaroni
that we’ve forgotten what its like to keep it real when the pressures on.
Wayne feels no pressure.
For pressure is not real.