dear tony, what do you do when people act a fool?

didnt you learn one thing from Destiny’s Child?
not everyones gonna be ready for your jelly
in fact some people might think yr a lil too bootylicious
or not enough bootylicious

also, some people cray.

so theres a few things you can do
you can get all omg omg wtf boo hoo about it
and you can let it ruin yr life, your day, your month
YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE OMG OMG

you can see if theres a learning lesson there for you
because who knows maybe you were too bootylicious about something
and you seriously effed up
however somehow i doubt it

or you can
move the
f
on.

the last thing
is the last thing
satan wants you to do, btw
he wants you to suffer
he wants you to obsess
he wants you to get off track
he wants you to think this is all there is
he wants you to think about it all the time
even at the most inappropriate times
aka the times you should be so happy

satan doesnt want you crazy in love

think about where youre at right now
think about the situation you wrote the world famous busblog abooot
if there were three paths,
one marked crazy in love
one marked boring as f
and the other just marked cray

which one would jay-z
not your bffs
not your inner circle
not even your priest
but which one would j say youre headed down
if you engage with person acting said fool

life can be beautiful
tranquil
rich
loving
sweet

magical

delicious

and truly omg.

so
let
it,

dummy

palm reader said ten bucks and i’ll let you read my palm

or twenty and i’ll read yours.

so i gave her ten and she unfurled her grizzled paw.

and it was all there

i saw what it was like when she was little.
i saw her fall in love in school.
i saw her do her thing in college.
and i saw her on a plane and it was going down
people were screaming, the cart was smashing peoples arms and feet
napkins were flying and papers and plastic cups and masks were swinging

she said ok thats enough and took her hand back.

and i really looked into her eyes this time
not just the bs hi howya doing
but the deep investigation

and she deep investigationed me right back herself

and said
what if this is the best its gonna get
not in like boo hoo
but in like
maybe youre seeing this

all wrong

and the monkey in the corner said

ever seen anything
all wrong b’fur

and then he ate his foot.

and a little fart of fire
quickly jetted out
of his little blue
swimtrunks

and i said why yes i have seen things
all wrong b-fer

and the head of the bear skin run said

yr seeing everything wrong.

and the monkey limped over to the lady
and took the money out of her bra strap
and waddled over to me
and put it back into my hand,
tipped his cap

and tooted
a lil flame.

carmageddon 2: back in the habit

people like to take pics in LA.
and by law you must be in your car at all times here.
thus we do our drivebys in a car
we smooch and wrestle in our cars
we read the constitution in our cars.
and of course we take pics of LA from our cars.

a ten mile stretch of one of our many freeways was closed today
and it will be closed tomorrow.
we call this Carmageddon 2 because omg the val and the wesside
NEED TO BE TRAVERSED AT ALL TIMES

los angelenos know when to stay off the roads for the most part.
mark twain wrote about life on the mississip
and how the steamboat pilots learned how to tell by the river
if there was danger in the shallow or if it was a smooth channel to sail.

people are just not taking their cars on the road this weekend
which has made the roads beautiful.
and has allowed many of the locals great opportunities to snap pics
from their cars.

lil wayne is my spirit guide

he has turned the american justice system on its badunkadunk

the threatens the prosecutor to his face on camera in front of the judge

HE DOES NOT EVEN RECALL GOING TO JAIL FOR 8 MONTHS

thats how gangsta he is.

you know that reggae guy Chingy? dudes names not Chingy

its Montgomery.

he has a monocle and an unironic ivory cane with a gold tip.

he pretends to be Chingy.

Lil Wayne is not pretending. Thats why he cant remember anything.

that’s why he psycic.

thats why girls love to dance to him.

thats why Nikki Minaj wants to be the female Weezey.

and thats why this video is going viral right now

because so many people are so phony baloney full of macaroni

that we’ve forgotten what its like to keep it real when the pressures on.

Wayne feels no pressure.

For pressure is not real.