nothing in here is true

  1. Sunday, September 30, 2012
  2. dear tony, what do you do when people act a fool? 

    didnt you learn one thing from Destiny’s Child?
    not everyones gonna be ready for your jelly
    in fact some people might think yr a lil too bootylicious
    or not enough bootylicious

    also, some people cray.

    so theres a few things you can do
    you can get all omg omg wtf boo hoo about it
    and you can let it ruin yr life, your day, your month

    you can see if theres a learning lesson there for you
    because who knows maybe you were too bootylicious about something
    and you seriously effed up
    however somehow i doubt it

    or you can
    move the

    the last thing
    is the last thing
    satan wants you to do, btw
    he wants you to suffer
    he wants you to obsess
    he wants you to get off track
    he wants you to think this is all there is
    he wants you to think about it all the time
    even at the most inappropriate times
    aka the times you should be so happy

    satan doesnt want you crazy in love

    think about where youre at right now
    think about the situation you wrote the world famous busblog abooot
    if there were three paths,
    one marked crazy in love
    one marked boring as f
    and the other just marked cray

    which one would jay-z
    not your bffs
    not your inner circle
    not even your priest
    but which one would j say youre headed down
    if you engage with person acting said fool

    life can be beautiful



    and truly omg.



  3. Saturday, September 29, 2012
  4. palm reader said ten bucks and i’ll let you read my palm 

    or twenty and i’ll read yours.

    so i gave her ten and she unfurled her grizzled paw.

    and it was all there

    i saw what it was like when she was little.
    i saw her fall in love in school.
    i saw her do her thing in college.
    and i saw her on a plane and it was going down
    people were screaming, the cart was smashing peoples arms and feet
    napkins were flying and papers and plastic cups and masks were swinging

    she said ok thats enough and took her hand back.

    and i really looked into her eyes this time
    not just the bs hi howya doing
    but the deep investigation

    and she deep investigationed me right back herself

    and said
    what if this is the best its gonna get
    not in like boo hoo
    but in like
    maybe youre seeing this

    all wrong

    and the monkey in the corner said

    ever seen anything
    all wrong b’fur

    and then he ate his foot.

    and a little fart of fire
    quickly jetted out
    of his little blue

    and i said why yes i have seen things
    all wrong b-fer

    and the head of the bear skin run said

    yr seeing everything wrong.

    and the monkey limped over to the lady
    and took the money out of her bra strap
    and waddled over to me
    and put it back into my hand,
    tipped his cap

    and tooted
    a lil flame.

  5. carmageddon 2: back in the habit 

    people like to take pics in LA.
    and by law you must be in your car at all times here.
    thus we do our drivebys in a car
    we smooch and wrestle in our cars
    we read the constitution in our cars.
    and of course we take pics of LA from our cars.

    a ten mile stretch of one of our many freeways was closed today
    and it will be closed tomorrow.
    we call this Carmageddon 2 because omg the val and the wesside

    los angelenos know when to stay off the roads for the most part.
    mark twain wrote about life on the mississip
    and how the steamboat pilots learned how to tell by the river
    if there was danger in the shallow or if it was a smooth channel to sail.

    people are just not taking their cars on the road this weekend
    which has made the roads beautiful.
    and has allowed many of the locals great opportunities to snap pics
    from their cars.

  6. Friday, September 28, 2012
  7. Thursday, September 27, 2012

    lil wayne is my spirit guide 

    he has turned the american justice system on its badunkadunk

    the threatens the prosecutor to his face on camera in front of the judge


    thats how gangsta he is.

    you know that reggae guy Chingy? dudes names not Chingy

    its Montgomery.

    he has a monocle and an unironic ivory cane with a gold tip.

    he pretends to be Chingy.

    Lil Wayne is not pretending. Thats why he cant remember anything.

    that’s why he psycic.

    thats why girls love to dance to him.

    thats why Nikki Minaj wants to be the female Weezey.

    and thats why this video is going viral right now

    because so many people are so phony baloney full of macaroni

    that we’ve forgotten what its like to keep it real when the pressures on.

    Wayne feels no pressure.

    For pressure is not real.