tony my iPhone home button is acting up, when will the new one come out? – bill

clinton obama

dear mr president,

no need to buy a whole new phone.

the iPhone home button forgets its a home button after a while.

true story.

you’d think it would totally remember since it gets pressed like every 2-3 minutes

all day and all night.

but yeah, life is weird and totally sometimes even home buttons dont remember who they are

here’s how you realign your iPhone home button’s chakra

step 1. whisper “damn you lookin fine, home button”

step 2. say, “yeah you, baby, who else”

step 3. somehow open up the calculator app

step 4. hold down the power button on the top of the iphone and say we should totally go to the movies soon, huh.

step 5. keep it held down until the red “Slide to Power Off” slider appears at the top

step 6. let go of the power button and say just dont judge how much popcorn i eat, and junior mints.

step 7. hold down the home button until the red “Slide to Power Off” slider disappears from the top

step 8: thank Jah for blogs.

dude teaches his 60 yr old mom the gangham style dance

i love her perfectly clean house.

what ive learned about being perfectly clean is this:

youre better off having zero stuff.

me, i have stuff, i like stuff, the stuff i have i went out to get

and then i brought it home and then i put it where it is

over the years ive gotten more stuff and some of it doesnt stack as nice as others

and that leads to people calling me a hoarder.

no, im just not a buyer and then thrower awayer.

for example books. i enjoy having the books in my house, not at someone elses

or in a library.

all the cds ive had over the years, baseball cards, documents

photos of travels and loves and adventures.

i like getting autographs on baseballs. so i have baseballs.

but omg do i love magazines.

its crazy after all these years in journalism ive never worked at a magazine

but maybe not because i like reading the magazines

and then cutting out the pictures and putting them on my walls.

or i like writing poems around the models or in the blank spaces.

or i like stacking them in the can so i have something to read

other than the days newspaper.

i like tshirts, theyre in the house. as are my white socks.

theyre here forever yo!

the only thing that doesnt stay forever here are girlfriends.

toldja i wasnt a hoarder.

hey, heres a video of a local group of lifeguards who lost their jobs

because they made this video in the pool that they protect