nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, September 27, 2012
  2. Wednesday, September 26, 2012
  3. eric gagne outs 80% of his old team, allegedly 

    canada reared its beautiful head into baseball news today when cy young winner

    eric gagne from pots and pans protest montreal quebec told espn

    that 80 percent of his teammates out here in LA were taking illegal performance enhancing drugs.

    this from a man who himself admitted to taking illegal substances in order to compete.

    when the news came out several bloggers emailed me asking that i wouldnt squeal on them.

    human growth hormones of course are part of the blogosphere

    what with repetitive strain injuries, carpal tunnel, and writers block,

    it isnt easy to maintain a prolific and profitable life as a blogger.

    thus drugs are tempting.

    and im not saying i *couldnt* name names but theres a brotherhood among bloggers

    far as i remembered, but i wouldnt name names.

    not even for a book

    not even to clear my conscious.

    my demons and skeletons are mines.

    what you do in front of your laptop is between you

    and yr webcam.

    now take on the day.

  4. they say they want the wolf 

    the wolf

    but they lie.

    or maybe it’s wishful drinking.

    they say they want the swan

    but they know how dull that is.

    swirling and twirling and

    dancing and laughing

    then crying and whining and yawning

    and tossing.

    the wolf knows better than to play with its food

    the swan knows better than to venture the lawn

    as the fog curls over the pond

    and the crickets and frogs

    hold their breath

    till the dawn

  5. a nice Canadian lad and I did Hollywood 


    someone gave us tickets to see a criminal play


    and we were all, nah we’d rather have a drink at the classiest and oldest bar in hollywood


    then we ate some pho


    then we saw the end of a car chase


    then we chatted it up with a bacon wrapped hotdog dude who was smoking some herb


    then bro goes hey wheres the Rush star on the walk of fame? i wanna eat it.

    the end!

  6. Tuesday, September 25, 2012

    mitt romney wants to open a window on an airplane 

    so when theres a fire, the air can put out the fire?

    When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no — and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem. So it’s very dangerous.

    im not sure how he would be as president. maybe really good.

    but im glad mitt romney isnt running for airplane pilot

    or airplane firefighter.

    or guy who sits next to me on a plane.

  7. messed around and ended up at a dinner party sunday night 

    dinner party

    and emilio was there and brendan was there.

    it was at kim and os’s pad

    and video guy and aj were there.

    ken layne

    as was your man ken layne.

    excellent group, deeeeliscious food and drink.

    the children were adorable.

    the discussions were strong and riddled with lies.

    but i learned an extremely valuable lesson that beautiful night:

    its almost impossible to play werewolf

    with eleven werewolves.

  8. Monday, September 24, 2012

    today is bruce springsteens 65th birthday, hes 24 

    first time i heard bruce springsteen i was all whatever

    and then they put point blank on and i was all omg

    and these were the days before people said omg

    so i turned it up.

    they were playing the river all the way through for some reason.

    maybe it was sunday.

    people say i dont listen to the radio, oh let me tell you something

    i listen to the radio.

    anyways point blank came on and then drive all night at some point

    now i know what youd say, that we currently live in the golden age of radio

    where every station has something amazing and fantastic and ground breaking

    but back then it wasnt like that at all.

    these were the days when there was only 4 channels on tv.

    youd think radio would be amazing, but no. which is one reason mtv blew doors

    and radio copied it like cray cray

    which doesnt mean it improved it.

    for if you recall, mtv embraced dancing in the dark way more than no surrender

    it preferred glory days over even the live version of born in the usa.

    mtv wanted that dumb red bandana on bruces head

    they wanted one on clarence too.

    bruce didnt know what to do about it so he played around and did what they said

    and the only time it was any good was on im on fire.

    but seriously how do you screw up hey little baby is yr daddy home

    did he go and leave you

    all alone

    i got a bad desire

    happy sixty fifth birthday,

    bruce springsteen

    amazing singer, guitarist, songwriter

    and right up there with prince

    as the greatest performer in rock.



  9. dear tony, what should i do? 

    garden of tears

    Dear Tony,

    Long time reader, first time emailer.

    A friend of mine has photos of our mutual friend’s boyfriend cheating on her (follow?) I don’t want to tell her because it will be a mess and I don’t want to be involved. But I would want to know. Wouldn’t you?

    Between A Rock and a Hard Place

    dear rock,

    here are some sayings you should consider:

    1. no one likes a stool pigeon
    2. no one likes a tattletale
    3. those who know dont talk, and those who talk don’t know
    4. looks can be deceiving
    5. women always know
    6. thou shall not bear false witness against yr neighbor

    i’m sure you are a very good friend, but theres a reason even cops don’t interfere in domestic cases
    unless there is actual violence going down.

    id stay as far away from it as possible because you might think you’re defusing a bomb

    but you might actually get the red and the green wires crossed and everything blows up including you.

    id suggest chilling out because if even you know of the infidelity then bro’s probably being sloppy

    perhaps, psychologically, intentionally and wants to be caught

    and as the clash say, do you really wanna be a cop?

    choose other career opportunities and be a good friend when the time comes when she needs a shoulder to cry on.

    plus, those pics could have been photoshopped.

  10. Sunday, September 23, 2012