the maintenance dudes are fixing my crib

apparently someone tried to break into my hollywood bachelor pad last night as i walked to get tacos

goodbye kitty the bathroom window is ajar as all hell

and the backdoor lock is wonky

and the porch light has shorted.

only the xbi know i keep my spare key

in the porch light bulb,

because thats they thing.

but the xbi know only a fool puts anything of value in his home.

including themselves.

whats also ironic is theyve scratched my car, theyve poisoned me

they put something in my drink at The Hives show and apparently

i nearly revealed some secrets to ali in the cab ride home

to which im truly embarrassed.

thus they should know that im over the hill

and clearly off my game.

ive stopped working out solely so they’d leave me alone.

but no.

and now these dudes are banging in a new window while singing in spanish.

banging in a new deadlock.

and drilling in a solar porchlight.

this is how im spending my day off not being with you.