1. Wednesday, September 19, 2012

    the maintenance dudes are fixing my crib 

    apparently someone tried to break into my hollywood bachelor pad last night as i walked to get tacos

    goodbye kitty the bathroom window is ajar as all hell

    and the backdoor lock is wonky

    and the porch light has shorted.

    only the xbi know i keep my spare key

    in the porch light bulb,

    because thats they thing.

    but the xbi know only a fool puts anything of value in his home.

    including themselves.

    whats also ironic is theyve scratched my car, theyve poisoned me

    they put something in my drink at The Hives show and apparently

    i nearly revealed some secrets to ali in the cab ride home

    to which im truly embarrassed.

    thus they should know that im over the hill

    and clearly off my game.

    ive stopped working out solely so they’d leave me alone.

    but no.

    and now these dudes are banging in a new window while singing in spanish.

    banging in a new deadlock.

    and drilling in a solar porchlight.

    this is how im spending my day off not being with you.