apparently someone tried to break into my hollywood bachelor pad last night as i walked to get tacos
and the backdoor lock is wonky
and the porch light has shorted.
only the xbi know i keep my spare key
in the porch light bulb,
because thats they thing.
but the xbi know only a fool puts anything of value in his home.
whats also ironic is theyve scratched my car, theyve poisoned me
they put something in my drink at The Hives show and apparently
i nearly revealed some secrets to ali in the cab ride home
to which im truly embarrassed.
thus they should know that im over the hill
and clearly off my game.
ive stopped working out solely so they’d leave me alone.
and now these dudes are banging in a new window while singing in spanish.
banging in a new deadlock.
and drilling in a solar porchlight.
this is how im spending my day off not being with you.