there was great debate about what to name him.

juan?

orel?

shaquille?

tony bennett was playing on the radio and the nurse said

benny?

and for years i was called benny until the benny hill show took the nation by storm

and my mom was embarrassed seeing people walk fast motion all around me

so she allowed me to go by my middle name and the days of BP were done

enter your new pal TP, everyone

initials impervious to childish chides.

so we moved.

for the last 28 years ive been in california

28 mostly awesome years.

im very lucky, mostly for knowing you.

but 28 years?

time flies when youre eating tacos.

so today is one day i can totally be indulgent.

i already started by eating kfc, drinking orange soda,

and breaking into the m&ms my mom sent me.

so after the jump heres the Proust Quiz

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