Ring ring. Hello this is the Red Cross, is this Tony, we’re doing a blood drive in Holly—

Me: yes, and I love you guys but I’ve asked you repeatedly not to call this phone any more.

Red Cross: oh I’m sorry sometimes it takes a while to get off the list

Me: my friend, I asked you guys 3 months ago to stop calling this line. This is my secret xbi undercover phone. I could be on a stakeout. I could be killed — or worse: shot captured and tortured and I’d need the blood I donate.

Red Cross: the xbi?

Me: never mind that. When a guy asks nicely to be removed from a list, that should be honored. Please get me off the list!

Red Cross: your best bet would be to call 1-800–

Me: Dude you are not listening. You are at the Red Cross. I am giving you MY BLOOD! I shouldn’t have to do squat other than ask nicely Once! You fix this.

Red Cross: But–

Me: But??? No buts! The only correct answer is “yes Mr. Pierce your number will be removed immediately and we will never call you again.”

Red Cross: um

Me: let me talk to your supervisor!

Red Cross: one moment please.

Red Cross: I’m sorry, there are no supervisors on the floor right now. I can have someone call you shortly.

Me: call me? CALL Me?!?!?! Are you insane?!????! Idiot! I want Zero calls from you! Is that that hard of a concept to grasp?!

Red Cross: Really, I can have someone get back to you in two minutes.

Me: via?

Red Cross: via?

Me: how will they contact me?

Red Cross: I’m going to give them your number.

Me: ok genius let me say this again: no more phone calls! About anything!!!

And then he hung up on me.

Something tells me I’m gonna get another call