i was all where

they were like there

i was dude

they were all answer the question

i was like make me

which is a silly thing to say to someone who has control of the chip in yr head.

but i get silly when people who arent even supposed to be talking to me

are totally trying to boss me around

suddenly i had an overwhelming desire for chocolate

why were you over there they asked again

there was a knock on my door.

i dont even know what place yr talking about

yes you do

another knock at the door, candyman, a voice said.

please hold, i said and put the xbi on hold.

and suddenly the desire for chocolate overwhelmed me

this must be a new thing theyve got going, i thought

but stayed put in the bedroom

candy {knock} MAN! {knock knock knock}

a now-angry voice demanded at the front door.

theres never enough training.

no one ever gets to practice enough.

which is why a front yard sprinkler system

that can be rigged to spray the front door

and an electrified welcome mat

that can be turned on from the bed

have a way of evening things up at times.