nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, November 30, 2012
  2. hair of the blog 

    folioscarlisa asks: Afro with beard or bald and shaven?

    when i want to feel like im from the future i do this:

    i shave as closely as i can

    head and face.

    but usually shortly after im done i feel like bob geldof in the wall.

    i realize he also shaved his eyebrows, which is creepy as hell,

    but it’s not a good look for anyone who doesn’t want to live in space.

    for movember im letting my beard grow out.

    people seem to like it.

    and i like it because thats one less thing i have to do every 3rd day or so.

    but unfortunately a lot of my beard includes gray hairs.

    which is bad if youre in the xbi because people seem to think that they can outrun you.

    and then you have to run after them.

    and beat they punk asses.

    some xbi agents will just shoot someone who’s fleeing

    but i dont wanna accidentally hit someone or something.

    id much rather just run after them because although many people can sprint,

    most bad guys run out of steam after 4-5 blocks.

    endurance is everything, as im sure you know, coach carlisa.

    anyways when i dont have a beard i look about 15 years younger

    which i also like.

    so the answer to your question is bald with a beard.

  3. Thursday, November 29, 2012
  4. no doubt, gibson amphitheater 11/28/2012 

    gwen and tony

    there has been no hotter babe singer in rock than gwen

    pretty sure there hasnt been anyone even close.

    she doesnt really sing all that amazingly

    she doesnt really dance better than anyone else

    but she has great songs to sing and a band shes known forever

    very very loud screeching fans

    and the secret to aging and looking beter with each day.

    no doubt

    the new songs were meh

    the old songs were whatevs

    the hits were fine

    hella good and hey baby have to go though

    and if youre gonna charge people $100 a ticket how about some stage production

    other than a huge video screen behind the band thats pretty but come on.

    people had fun. they played their two hours. gwen charmed every single person.

    and the band are perfectly fine.

    gwen by bree

    but theres no danger, no discovery, no breakthroughs, no risks, few rewards.

    few spontaneous moments, few thrilling notes, few ways to mess up.

    and zero songs from gwens solo albums.

    but you know, singing along to dont speak, spiderwebs, and underneath it all

    and watching the fairer sex scream along to just a girl

    is easily a better option on a rainy wednesday night than watching tv.

    bottom photo by bree

  5. Wednesday, November 28, 2012


    “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

    – Douglas Adams

  6. big decisions 

    you can take the subway to universal city.
    but then you have to take this open air trolly up the hill.
    maybe for 2 miles.
    its cold tonight. and kinda rainy.

    you can drive your fast car to universal city.
    but then you have to pay them $10 to park.
    and you cant drink as much.
    and youre hurting the enviornment.

    and one day you should care enough about it
    to learn how to spell it.

    a man shouldnt have to brave the elements to take the subway.

    also a man shouldnt have to pay $10 to park at an outdoor mall.

    there are many decisions that come so easy for me.

    but never this one.

  7. im going to see no doubt tonight 

    no doubt

    i think its my 4th time seeing them?

    obvs the first times were with ashley, the worlds biggest nd fan.

    i believe we saw two shows at staples center

    and one at ucla’s wadsworth almost exactly 11 years ago

    oh crap and one at the long beach arena almost exactly 10 years ago today

    i really wanted to go to this little residency that they are having at the Gibson in universal city but tickets were hella expensive. like $100 to sit anywhere halfway good.

    so i figured oh well you dont have anyone who would wanna go with you anyhow,

    but then yesterday live nation was selling single ticket seats for $40

    with no service fees at all

    and i was all, mama mia maybe i really have no excuse

    plus as you know im a sucker for deals.

    so i got my one ticket, right in the middle of the loge, center

    and even though its gonna be rainy tonight

    i will be there bopping along with the rock steady beats.

    full report later, duh.

  8. Tuesday, November 27, 2012

    let the hollow points commence to pop pop pop 

    next month is the 20th anniversary of The Chronic.

    even though i felt i had been there forever, 20 years ago i was still new to the xbi

    so they sent me to new orleans for some, uh, training.

    jeanine and i were super in love so i brought her, against their wishes

    but whatevs, everything worked out. and today jeanine reminisced on facebook

    I’m finally getting caught up on my LA Weekly reading, re: “The Making of the Chronic” article. Somewhere there exists a VHS tape of me n’ Tony on a Spring Break vay-cay, in the one and only town of Gretna, LA, on our way to the French Quarter, listening to Dr. Dre’s just-released album. During the course of eight days,we had Popeye’s Chicken, tried Hurricanes and muffalettas for the first time, went to that restaurant where they filmed the Folger’s Coffee commercial, ate beignets at Cafe Du Monde, and in the midst of many downright tropical rainstorms, found a killer guitar shop that had a super awesome Herb Ellis ES-165 Gibson, vintage sunburst (I think) that I actually got to play for a while, a la Joe Pass style. Throughout, we agreed that The Chronic was a totally freakin’ awesome album.

    today she told me the nicest thing:

    we’ve known each other longer than we havent known each other

    humble brag: a few years ago Geoff Boucher took me to meet Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine. apparently they had decided that they were going to get into the headphones business. beats by dre or something crazy. they wanted geoff to listen to them. so he brought me.

    i got to meet everyone, i listened to the headphones. i handed them over to geoff

    and then i took this picture:

    proof that real life is often stonier than the green stuff.

    sometimes moreso in retrospect.