are we really still pretending we dont know what jonathon gold looks like?

jonathan gold on cbs

hes the greatest pulitzer prize winning food critic to ever give props to food trucks

he also has a unique look and happens to be walking the earth during the Information Age

in LA which makes anonymity or privacy nearly impossible.

blame Google if you must

or blame Gold.

way back in 2008 he posed for a pic with a serious journalist knowing full well it was headed for FishbowlLA.

later that year, while he was food critic there, the LA Weekly published a photo of him: no big deal.

and a little more than a year later, bro starred on a panel discussion for the Zocalo PUBLIC Square.

look at all the people seeing him in the flesh

even the writer is all, yeah its nice to see him in real life or in video. (there was video too)

surely the OC weekly writer saw the famous LA weekly photos in 2007 of gold

sloppily drinking outta those hilariously huge wine glasses

as he celebrated winning the pulitzer.

does no one remember the time in 2009 when the Weekly hosted a thing called

The Gold Standard foodie event where mr. gold posed for pictures and kept it real?

how about the time he read aloud a restaurant review at LACMA in front of a painting of Spam?

strangely it seems like the only people who think their audience doesn’t know who he looks like

are my beloved daily newspaper and cbs news.

you can unring a bell if it’s made of gold?

although to some it’s cute marketing, or a quaint nod to a once-preferred tradition.

but nowadays i prefer it when my news organizations treat their audience (and subjects)

like theyre smart enough to know how to use the google.

thats my gold standard.

i’ve had a good life


nothing terrible’s happened
none of my uncles were inappropriate
the brothers at the church summer camp just read the bible to us boys
in the woods
I never spent any time in jail
with this pretty face


as a lad I was taken to see the Jackson 5 for my first concert
then came ac/dc during their back in black tour
ive seen waits and costello, once together
nirvana, the replacements, and every beasties tour


and women?
everyone’s always shocked
but here’s how to get women
keep a clean house, cook
buy your clothes out of catalogues
and always go dancing


thanks to the trust fund
and a few lucky investments
ive always been able to work where i want
with cool people, doing interesting things


and thanks to the xbi workout regimen
I can eat anything all the time
and no one is ever on to me


which is why I feel like I’m truly the only
seriously depressed man in the world
over the news this week of the demise of hostess


I may need to see a doctor