i’ve had a good life

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nothing terrible’s happened
none of my uncles were inappropriate
the brothers at the church summer camp just read the bible to us boys
in the woods
I never spent any time in jail
with this pretty face

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as a lad I was taken to see the Jackson 5 for my first concert
then came ac/dc during their back in black tour
ive seen waits and costello, once together
nirvana, the replacements, and every beasties tour

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and women?
everyone’s always shocked
but here’s how to get women
keep a clean house, cook
buy your clothes out of catalogues
and always go dancing

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thanks to the trust fund
and a few lucky investments
ive always been able to work where i want
with cool people, doing interesting things

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and thanks to the xbi workout regimen
I can eat anything all the time
and no one is ever on to me

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which is why I feel like I’m truly the only
seriously depressed man in the world
over the news this week of the demise of hostess

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I may need to see a doctor