1. Thursday, November 22, 2012

    the condensed story of griffith j griffith 

    griffith park observatory

    griffith j griffith wasnt born in america. oh no. he was born in wales, a place where no one knows where it is.

    he came to america when he was 15 and lived in pennsylvania because why not. he studied writing and mining in college. he moved to frisco when he was 23 and because everyone died young he was made manager of the herald publishing company before he turned 24. but griffith wanted to be a reporter so he started working for a newspaper called the Alta Cali where he covered no cal mining.

    he learned a ton more about mining while writing about it and joined a little silver syndicate in mexico. two years later he was a millionaire. which in 1882 was like owning Instagram.

    so duh, he moved to LA cuz even then thats where the party be. after close to 9 years of being a rich bachelor he got hitched. the lucky gal was named mary agnes christina. he was 37.

    a few years later he bought 4,000 acres in what would later become Los Feliz. when he was 46 he and his wife said, LA, we love you, heres 3,000 acres of Los Feliz for you: it included rolling hills, fantastic views, and amazing caves that would be the backdrop to many films including the batman tv show.

    it was the largest US city park, 5 times bigger than NY’s Central Park, and it would someday be home to the Hollywood sign.

    “just be cool with the land and make sure all the peeps chill,” he sorta said.

    one day mary agnes christina was kneeling before bro in the presidential suite of the arcadia hotel in santa monica. he shot her in the head, accidentally, because he was a secret drunk. the bullet blinded her in one eye and disfigured her.

    he was sentenced to two years in the Q back in frisco. while in the hole mary agnes christina divorced him. in 4 minutes and 30 seconds the judge granted her custody of their teen son and he insisted that griffith be ordered to pay his boy’s college tuition at stanford.

    when he got out of jail he told everyone who would listen how terrible life was in prison. he demanded changes.

    a few years later he tried to give LA the Greek Theatre and a bad ass observatory. they said thanks but no thanks psycho killer quesque c’est. we cant believe we only gave you two years in jail for nearly killing your sweet wife. are we not men?

    he was all but but

    LA was all speak to the glovèd hand

    but when he died he left LA the greek and the observatory in his last will and testament surrounded with hearts and

    xoxoxoxos

    and LA was all whatevs fine.

    crazy thing: this is the most anyone in LA

    has talked about griffith griffith in about 27 years.

    the end.