i dont mind Christmas traditions
EVEN ONES THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH I DONT KNOW
——–> JESUS CHRIST <——
leading up to and on his birthday.
but if theres one thing i hate it’s “traditions” that aren’t traditional
phony, consumer orientated, and/or just another lie to ruin the trust of our children.
and by “our” of course i mean “your”.
when i was a lad the lie was that big fat Santa slid down everyones chimneys and delivered toys
to all the good little boys and girls
EVEN THOSE LIKE US WHO DIDNT HAVE ANY DAMN CHIMNEYS.
somehow Rudolph, Frosty, and even Mrs. Claus worked their way into the grand sham
despite the fact that the original story of Jesus was pretty magical and fascinating enough.
But apparently virgin births of babies who have to high tail it outta town cuz the ruling king was gonna slaughter it wasn’t good enough for the modern world but i digress.
somewhere in the last 7-8 years this little Elf has made its way into the massive lie.
from what i gather you buy a cute little elf and put him into random places around your house
i dont know, to trick your kids into being good because somehow the elf watches to see that youre little angels arent snorting bath salts and trading arms for hostages.
each night the elf flies to the North Pole and rats out all the bad little kids and appears the next day in a new weird spot in your crib.
you name him. and tuck him away after Christmas. but has this fake crap backfired?
SOME SAY YES IT HAS!
one of my niece’s friends said, “I don’t believe in Santa anymore because I saw Merle, our Elf, this summer in a box in our closet.”
which made me laugh so hard i nearly choked on my Irish coffee.
so when did all of this become a thing? Fox News tells me: 2004. Figures.
Bottom photo by Susan, Robinwood Photography