today is danielle’s birthday, shes 24

ive met a billion people over my so called life.

most were fine.

a few repulsive.

and because ive spent most of my life in california and illinois, most were beautiful.

but danielle knows no peers.

funny, verbose, sexy, creative, dreamy, fun, and totally ready for a photo session at any moment – it’s no surprise that men melt at her very touch.

its almost like what happens when you put a 110 volt boom box into the socket of a european hotel suite. things get really loud and bright and then it blows out.

danielle is like no other.

san dieger rarely knows what to do with its superstars and danielle is no exception.

the boys havent been good to her, usually fizzing out upon contact.

the jobs havent known what they have on their hands.

but fortunately the bartenders know whats up and danielle hasnt paid for a drink down there since she moved there in 20-blahblahblah.

men have promised to leave their wives for her, led zep decided to get back together in her honor, and some say obama killed bin laden but everyone knows he was reading Keeping it Real in the hours leading up to his demise but didnt care because he was so enthralled and distracted from her world famous blog.

earth is better for having danielle walk on its crust.

california is sunnier because of her.

and her used underwear would be sold for thousands on ebay

if she wore any.

happy birthday baby.