Dear Tony, what sort of Pope would you be?

popei’d be a terrible Pope.

for one I think the Pope is sorta unbiblical.

Jesus said stuff like “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

so how could i accept that badass palace (city, actually), sweetass clothes, riches, etc., if my job is supposed to be the middleman between God and humans


while i am supposed to be Jesus’s biggest cheerleader?

so if i was Pope i’d have to be the first pope to say “im not as powerful as we’ve been pretending that i’m supposed to be”.

the second thing is i think condoms are one of man’s finest inventions.

sadly the Catholic church is super into telling people what to do with their private parts.

so id have to be the first pope to say “nothing in the bible says you cant have abortions or Trojans”

imagine the irony of me saying that right outside Rome.

and finally i think priests who molest little kids should be jailed for a very long time

and i also think that priests should be allowed to be married and have sex.

you know, like the original priests, the Sons of Levi, who never did any molestationing

probs cuz they were hitched to their wives.

so basically if i were to really keep it biblical, aka, kept it real

id have to be the anti-pope

which means id get killed in my sleep.

which is fine with me because im pretty sure thats exactly how the Good Lord would want the pope to live.

so id be the best and worst pope of all times.

thanks for asking.

crazy car chase tonight, maybe you mist it

Woman In Blue Reading A Letter





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if i ever wrote a picture book

american apparel ad

which is something id rather write instead of like a novel

or a tour book

or a blogger tell all

or a secret history of the xbi

or an autobiography of isla vista

i would make a book of

“things i always look at when i drive around LA”.

it would start with the american apparel billboard next to the burrito king

at the intersection of Alvarado and Sunset in echo park.

i think they own it cuz Dov lives nearby.

i love it because it always changes and sometimes its mildly outrageous.

if i was AA i would have a live cam on it

or a new picture every times it changes.

and have it linked off their website somewhere.

after midnight on a school night


she was all we should start
a journalism school.

I was like oh god no
I have too many other things to start

she said like what.

I said omg:
unlicensed Internet shrink
Imma Killya Soul Food Drive Thru
worlds greatest music blog
the xbi movie of the week
flash mob instant cash lottery
church of rock
ex con car wash
Bacon World of Bacon
omg records
Tony’s Donuts
breakfast sold all day
But My Kid Speaks French

she said well add j school to that list because I’ve got an idea